What Makes Marriage So Hard?

A reader, we’ll call him Bob, asked the following question:

What were some of the tough issues you faced in the first 2 years of your marriage? Right now my wife and I are going through some changes within ourselves and we are finding hard to come together and come up with things that make us happy. Have you faced this and what where some things you did?

I can honestly say, Bob, that our marriage almost ended in the first year. We faced a tough situation. We were young (21 and 19), poor (neither of us had a full time job), and in college. I was an only child, my wife was 2 of 9. We were so in love, but we really set ourselves up for a difficult situation. We also came from emotionally difficult backgrounds.

The hardest thing about those first two years was not only dealing with all of that, but also learning how to be married. We went in with unrealistic expectations.

We each thought that we had to be perfect, and we each demanded perfection of the other. It took some unlearning.

We had to learn to allow each other to be who we were.

We had to learn to disagree without fighting.

All that said, we did it. We love each other so very much, and our marriage is solid. You ask what tough situations we faced, but it’s not really about that. The situations that we faced are different from what you face (although perhaps not that different – more on that in a moment). What matters is learning to deal with the situations as they come up. You must learn the principles of what makes a good marriage.

Now, as for specific situations, I have shared a few of those on this blog. I would like to open it up to readers and allow them to share some of their stories. What difficult situations have you dealt with early in marriage, and what did you do? How did you handle it?

Bob wants to know.

0 thoughts on “What Makes Marriage So Hard?

  1. We always like to think that if we were with someone else, if the other person change or if circumstances were different. We need to remember three things: 1) How can I improve myself, 2) how can I add value to my spouses life and 3) I need to stay committed in the tough times.

  2. We often have trouble finding time for each other. We have a 3 year old and a 8 month old, with no family inside of a 4 hour drive. We don’t have any babysitters we trust.

    That makes us two very tired and irritable people, and it often leads to petty fights, just because we aren’t the “us” we used to be.

  3. Regarding the childcare issue – I hear you; we have family in the area and they are very helpful, but everyone is busy. We frequently rely on close friends for childcare (and they rely on us) instead… Seems to work well. -B

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