[SPORTS] NFL Power Rankings: Week 5

Published on by Chris Osburn

 

Team TW LW
1 1 Aaron Rodgers might be the NFL’s new golden boy, but he’s an atrocious actor.
2 2 There is no more fitting name for Calvin Johnson than Megatron. Except maybe Godzilla or Mothera.
3 3 When did Jimmy Grahame become the best tight end in the NFL? How come I’ve never even heard of him?
4 4 Now that Tom Brady cut his hair, Doug Flutie’s daughter is now the prettiest member of the Patriots organization.
5 6 Ray Lewis is the second most hated player in the NFL. Maybe with hard work he can be number one some day.
6 8 If you haven’t listened to the weekly rap songs made by Nick Mendola, you’re missing out on some sweet Buffalo rhymes.
7 13 Wow, the Niners completely embarrassed a previously potential playoff team.
8 7 Since the Bolts only loss was to the Patriots when can I finally call them the San Diego SUPER Chargers?
9 5 Derrick Mason was somehow able to get on a lifeboat before the sinking of the Titanic.
10 10 Angela Rypien threw three TD’s in the Seattle Mist’s 42-8 win over the Green Bay Chill of the Lingerie Football League.
11 22 The Bengals look like they have the best defense in the league. Their offense might be OK if they would just trade Carson Palmer for some talent.
r 12 15 The Raiders only need 10 players on defense to win games because the ghost of Al Davis is playing free safety.
13 14 Which Titans team is the real team? The team that won three games in a row or the team that got dismantled by the Steelers?
14 12 Big test this week against the Bills’ explosive offense. I never thought I would write that sentence.
15 9 This is the Jets first must-win game of the season or else Rex Ryan’s proclamation that “this is year” is going to sound even more ridiculous.
16 17 Tony Romo didn’t make a single mistake last week. See also: The Cowboys had a bye week.
17 16 Mike Tomlin doesn’t remember anything that happened before last week. Especially nothing about the 2008 playoffs.
18 19 Every time I’m trying think of something to write about the Falcons all I can think about is Will Forte as “The Falconer” on SNL.
19 21 Is Peyton Hillis going to get the nod against the Raiders or have the Browns decided to continue barely using their best player?
20 18 Is it just me or should Mike Kafka’s nickname be “The Metamorphosis”?
21 11 What the what? The Bucs looked like a playoff team. Now they look like they want to get into the Andrew Luck sweepstakes.
22 24 If the NBA cancels its season, what are the odds that LeBron James joins the ‘Hawks? Pretty good if you ask Pete Carroll.
23 20 The Bears’ offensive line has more holes than Swiss cheese.
24 25 Who’s the better 1-4 team, the Panthers or the Eagles? I’ll go with the Panthers right now.
25 23 That’s a stretch nickname ‘o the week: Max “Harold and” Komar.
26 26 Tim Tebow is finally the Broncos starter. I wonder how long those billboards are paid for.
27 27 Sweet MJD cameo last week during The League’s “Shiva Bowl Shuffle”.
28 31 The Chiefs looked dead after the first three weeks. After two wins they looked slightly alive. Maybe not fully, more like The Walking Dead.
29 30 The Vikes finally found a way to win. Too little too late I think.
30 28 Brandon Marshall may have officially lost his mind and I can’t wait to watch what happens on Monday night.
31 29 The only good thing about Peyton Manning being out for the year: He has time to host SNL again make more hilarious TV spots.
32 32 The Rams might be living in the basement but it’s totally cool because they have a sweet futon down there.

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