Team |
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1 |
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A Vince Lombardi Trophy. Anything less would be a disappointment. |
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2 |
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Some name recognition for Jimmy Graham. Or at least a cool nickname so that we remember who he is. |
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3 |
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A quick recovery from Anquan Boldin because they’re going to need him if they are going to get far in the playoffs. |
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4 |
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A DVD copy of the Tom Hanks classic movie Big for Zoltan Mesko because I’m pretty sure he played the fortune teller machine. |
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5 |
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Some better protection for Alex Smith. He’s been sacked more than any other QB this season. |
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6 |
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A hanky for James Harrison to blow his nose because he sure has been crying a lot lately. |
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7 |
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A new pass rusher in the draft. So that someone other than John Abraham actually gets to the quarterback. |
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8 |
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A playoff win for Houston. This has been a long time coming. |
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9 |
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Better press for Ndamukong Suh. He’s starting to look like a bully. |
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10 |
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A spot hosting Saturday Night Live for Tim Tebow. |
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11 |
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A sense of humor for the Dallas writers who got mad at Dez Bryant’s “Talented but lazy” Nike T-shirt. |
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12 |
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An owner who seems to actually care about his team instead of only caring about the bottom line. |
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13 |
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A muzzle to put over Rex Ryan’s mouth so we don’t have to hear him boasting about his disappointing team. |
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14 |
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A trip to the playoffs in honor of the late Al Davis. |
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15 |
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A quarterback who can stay healthy for a whole season. Or at the very least, a capable back up. |
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16 |
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The wherewithal to think before he speaks for Eli Manning. “Elite” quarterback’s usually lead their team to the playoffs. |
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17 |
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A few reliable receivers for Jake Locker to throw the ball to so he doesn’t have to run around as much. |
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18 |
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A supply of vitamins for Ryan Mathews because the Chargers are a lot better when he’s healthy. |
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19 |
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A better start next season. Even one or two more wins and they’d be in the playoff hunt. |
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20 |
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A psychologist so that they can figure out who they are and why they are really good one week and then really terrible the next. |
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21 |
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That little gizmo from Men In Black so that we all forget that the Eagles this season were supposed to be a “Dream Team”. |
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22 |
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The ability to learn from mistakes. Kevin Kolb sure is (isn’t) earning that $65 million dollar contract they gave him. |
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23 |
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A clue for coach Pete Carroll. Did you really think that Red Bryant’s baby was 17 pounds when it was born? |
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24 |
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A change in their uniforms. At the very least, throw away those yellow pants. They are horrible to look at. |
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25 |
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An offensive line to protect Cam Newton and this team could be a playoff contender next season. |
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26 |
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The ability to re-gift Albert Haynesworth because the Patriots are 0-6 since letting him go and the Bucs are 0-6 after picking him up. |
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27 |
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For the Jags ownership to fire a lot of coaches in the off season so we can see the headline “The wrath of Khan”. |
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28 |
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A new defensive coordinator. I think there is a fellow named Dave who is already on the coaching staff who might be a good fit. |
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29 |
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A coach or two who actually cares about the well being of his players and doesn’t put them back into a game with a concussion. |
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30 |
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A #1 pick in the draft…finally. |
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31 |
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A record deal for Tripping Icarus. The team has nothing else interesting going on. |
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32 |
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A time machine to go back before this horrible season started so fans can feel the excitement they felt after the Rams almost made the playoffs last year. |