[SPORTS] NFL Power Rankings: Week 13

Published on by Chris Osburn

 

Team TW LW
1 1 Fact: the Packers haven’t lost a game since October 3rd, 1987. At least it seems that way.
2 2 I don’t care that the Steelers are the first AFC team to reach ten wins. The Ravens are still better.
3 3 Drew Brees is one of a handful of quarterbacks who are on pace to beat Dan Marino’s season passing record of 5,084.
4 4 Niners clinched their first division title since 2002. Back then it was Garcia to Owens. Now, it’s Smith to Crabtree/Davis.
5 5 Big Ben showed a lot of grit in returning with a bum ankle, but he’s still the least likeable quarterback in the NFL.
6 6 Dear, CBS. I want to watch the Brady/Tebow Bowl in primetime, not at4:15. Be a pal and give it to NBC.
7 7 Fear not, Texans fans. Captain Ginger himself, Jeff Garcia, is here to save the day.
8 9 For some reason, the Falcons are always the last team that I write about and I never have anything good to say about them.
9 8 Did you know that Lance Briggs was a comic book nerd? Neither did I. Also, don’t tell him I said that.
10 13 Is there a correlation between the bad attitudes of Lions players lately and their dwindling playoff hopes?
11 16 Jim Leonhard’s wife doesn’t like Rex Ryan. Just add her to the list.
12 17 A Broncos fan got a tattoo of Tim Tebow as a centaur. My tattoo of “Refrigerator” Perry as an actual refrigerator doesn’t seem as cool now.
13 14 If any team hates Tebow, it has to be the Raiders. 5 weeks into the season they looked like they’d easily win their division.
14 10 Tony Romo must be dating a character from The Dukes of Hazard again or something.
15 11 The Bengals are looking more like the old “Bungles” every week.
16 12 The G-men get a share of first place if they win today. Yes, that’s how bad the NFC East is.
17 15 Titans still in the playoff hunt? Eh, probably not.
18 20 The Dolphins are a few early season good bounces away from being a playoff team.
19 24 Can the Chargers still make the playoffs? Not if Tebow has anything to say about that.
20 19 Which Chiefs team will show up this week? You either get Ebenezer Scrooge or Tiny Tim.
21 18 “Hey, let’s get Flyers tickets instead” is probably a phrase that is heard very often in Philly right about now.
22 21 The Buccaneers may be terrible right now, but their creamsicle orange uniforms are the most beautiful costumes in the World.
23 27 How did the Cardinals beat the Cowboys? Oh right, the Cowboys are either as hot as Tatooine or as cold as the ice planet Hoth. Yes, I went there.
24 23 Marshawn Lynch has had 456 yards rushing in his last four games. If that isn’t “Beast Mode”, then I don’t know what is.
25 22 James Harrison’s hit on Colt McCoy reminded me of a famous scene from Friday.
26 25 Similar to the “Icky Shuffle”, there’s a new dance along the rust belt called the “Buffalo stumble”.
27 26 Fred Davis might sound like a random name on the GOP ticket, but he’s been destroying opponents lately. Too bad he’s suspended for the rest of the season
28 28 Even ESPN doesn’t know how to get to Jacksonville. No, it’s not in North Carolina.
29 29 Cam Newton took the phrase “act like you’ve been there before” quite literally when he handed a fan the ball that he scored his NFL record 13th rushing touchdown with last week.
30 30 If you look up “Blue Collar” in the dictionary, you’ll see a picture of Jared Allen’s mullet.
31 31 Sorry, you’re having a lousy season. At least you still have Albert Pujols…whoops.
32 32 Will we ever see Peyton Manning in a Colts jersey ever again?

 

Leave a Reply