I’ve been reading quite a bit lately about the “dangers” of dating single moms.
Granted, if a woman is looking specifically for a guy who can be thrust into the “father figure” role for her children as soon as possible–complete with the financial responsibility to match–I can understand the concern.
But if you’ll pardon the pun, I’m not personally ready to throw the baby out with the bathwater just yet.
In my dating experience, I often found single moms to be gems.
For starters, they usually had some very real depth to their character that only being a mom can bring about. Perhaps changing diapers and cleaning up messes strips away some of the shallowness that tends to accompany the “kid-free” years. But there’s no doubt that single moms really have “seen it all.” As such, they tend to be ready to meet the real you, and in turn tend to put up less of a front themselves.
If you value responsibility and maturity in a woman, look no further than a single mom.
Next, as a single dad, I noticed that single moms all but rolled out the proverbial red carpet for me. Since axe murderers typically don’t end up with custody of their five-year-old daughters, it was as if single moms instinctively knew I was safe to hang out with. This cut down on the “games” that lots of guys usually have to deal with up front in the dating world.
But the coolest part of hanging out with single moms was that both she and I knew that the other “got it.” You could relate to each other’s situation and share information about parenting, which was a great rapport-builder.
Without a doubt, getting a chance to see a woman’s motherly instincts in action serves as a fantastic preview into what it’s like to experience life with her. Is she loving, giving, and patient towards her children?
Or does she act rashly out of anger towards them, often levying unreasonable discipline? Is there any discipline at all?
Take a close look, because this is what a long-term relationship with her could look like.
As with any other woman you’ll meet, you’ve got to evaluate a single mom’s overall compatibility with you when you start dating her.
Be sure to consider that she’s got a lot on her plate, and therefore might not always be available to hang out with you when you prefer. In fact, you’ll probably have to be flexible when scheduling “quality time” with her. It’s unreasonable to expect that she’ll prioritize seeing you ahead of her kids’ needs.
Speaking of “quality time,” it’s a great idea to avoid hanging out at her house while she’s attending to the kids just to “be with her”–regardless of whose idea it is. All this will do is allow you two to get into a “rut” of running the same old boring routine day after day.
Besides, it’s not a good idea to introduce each other to your respective kids until you know you have a future together. This usually translates to several months after you’ve met.
Finally, never should you be “clouded by beauty-vision” as I call it simply because she looks good. Weigh all the benefits and listen to your logic if you uncover any “deal breakers.” That way, you’ll never, ever settle.
Scot McKay is a dating coach and founder of X & Y Communications. He hosts several top-ranked podcasts on iTunes including “The Chick Whisperer.”
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His blog is updated constantly and always full of surprises. Check it out at http://www.edumckaytion.com/blog.
Article image by: Dora Pete, SXC