I don’t think anyone will disagree with me that this year’s crop of Thanksgiving NFL games had to be one of the worst in history. The Titans beat the hapless Lions by 37 points, the Cowboys beat the sad Seahawks by 25, and the one game that was supposed to be decent ended with the Eagles trouncing the shell-shocked Cardinals by 28, proving once again that there is some kind of Voodoo curse that won’t let Arizona win a game on the east coast.
Please, Commissioner Goodell, for the sake of every other market besides Dallas and Detroit, make Thanksgiving a flex schedule. Set it up so that whichever teams match up the best, and are preferably still in the playoff hunt, face each other next year. Never can I remember a year where it was so easy to fall asleep on the couch after dinner.
1. (1) New York Giants [11-1]: Pull their win streak to seven after second dismantling of the ‘Skins this season.
2. (2) Tennessee Titans [11-1]: Lendale White is tied with Michael Turner for the NFL lead with 13 rushing touchdowns.
3. (4) Carolina Panthers [9-3]: Does Julius Peppers have his own line of preserved hot peppers? Please, Julius, you’re sitting on a gold mine.
4. (5) Pittsburgh Steelers [9-3]: Has anyone ever heard of James Harrison and LaMarr Woodley? Because they have combined for 25.5 sacks this year… and the Chiefs whole team still only has six.
5. (6) Tampa Bay Buccaneers [9-3]: Jeff Garcia rushed for more yards than the Saints starting running back on Sunday. Did I mention that he’s 38 years old?
6. (3) New York Jets [8-4]: Just when we thought the Jets were going to take the reigns in the AFC, they get trampled by a bucking Bronco.
7. (13) Indianapolis Colts [8-4]: Have you seen the new Peyton Manning MasterCard commercial that plays during NFL games? It’s hilarious.
8. (10) Dallas Cowboys [8-4]: Can someone explain to me how Adam “Pacman” Jones is still in the NFL?
9. (11) Atlanta Falcons [8-4]: Does anyone call Roddy White, “Rowdy” Roddy White? They do now.
10. (12) Baltimore Ravens [8-4]: The only thing Mark Clayton didn’t do on Sunday was block a punt and return it for a touchdown while wearing a blindfold.
11. (7) Arizona Cardinals [7-5]: The Cards are really lucky every other team in their division is just plain terrible, because they aren’t looking so hot lately.
12. (8) New England Patriots [7-5]: The Pats are finally looking like the team that everyone thought they would be sans Tom Brady.
13. (9) Washington Redskins [7-5]: Maybe the Redskins didn’t have their heads in the game on Sunday because they were wondering about who Obama was going to pick for his cabinet.
14. (14) Miami Dolphins [7-5]: How unfair is it that the Bills have to play a “home” game against the Dolphins in the friendly heated confines of the Rogers Centre in Toronto?
15. (19) Denver Broncos [7-5]: Jake Cutler “made it rain” against the weak Jets secondary literally and figuratively.
16. (20) Minnesota Vikings [7-5]: John Randle was inducted into the Vikings “Ring of Honor” on Sunday. It’s only a matter of time before he’s inducted into the “Worlds most awesome eye black Hall of Fame.”
17. (15) Chicago Bears [6-6]: Daaa Bears are like a roast beef sandwich with no bread, because they can’t seem to get on any type of roll whatsoever.
19. (18) Philadelphia Eagles [6-5-1]: Back in the hunt after ruining my Thanksgiving.
20. (21) Green Bay Packers [5-7]: Is it too late to un-trade Brett Favre?
21. (17) Buffalo Bills [6-6]: After the Bills lose to the ‘Fins this weekend, look for a lot more Sabres paraphernalia being worn in Western New York.
22. (24) Houston Texans [5-7]: Steve Slaton rules at being awesome and those red uniforms are sick.
23. (22) Jacksonville Jaguars [4-8]: At 5 foot 5 and 210, Maurice Jones-Drew might be completely round.
24. (23) San Diego Chargers [4-8]: Is it possible that there is a Campbell’s chunky soup curse? LaDainian Tomlinson and the Seahawk’s Matt Hasselbeck are both having lousy seasons.
25. (25) San Francisco 49ers [4-8]: The Niner’s didn’t even have 200 yards of total offense and got out gained by just under 200, yet they managed to leave Orchard Park with a “W.”
26. (26) Cleveland Browns [4-8]: Cleveland: The only NFL city that makes Buffalo not seem so bad.
27. (28) St. Louis Rams [2-10]: How did the Rams beat Dallas and Washington?
28. (27) Oakland Raiders [3-9]: The Raiders spanked the Broncos last week and Denver beat up on the Jets this week. Therefore, the Raiders are at least the sixth best team in the NFL, right?
29. (29) Seattle Seahawks [2-10]: Very exciting game against the Rams coming up in two weeks. Ben Folds would call it “The battle of who could care less”.
30. (31) Kansas City Chiefs [2-10]: Don’t look now, but the Chiefs are charging up the rankings. Look out, Seahawks!
31. (30) Cincinnati Bengals [1-10-1]: Chad Johnson leads a long list of wide receivers that just vanished off the face of the statistical earth this season.
32. (32) Detroit Lions [0-12]: This is just getting silly.
Chris Osburn is a 26 year old freelance writer and The Father Life‘s resident beer columnist. On top of that, he writes about professional lacrosse for insidelacrosse.com. He’s also written for Genesee Valley Parenting Magazine, the Rochester Democrat and Chronicle, and ESPN.com. “Osburn on Tap” appears monthly in THE FATHER LIFE. For questions, comments, or if you have a story idea for Chris, visit his website http://www.chrisosburnwrites.com.
Article image by: Paige Foster, SXC
30 year old freelance writer and The Father Life‘s resident beer columnist and sports editor. He also writes about fine beverages for drinkingmadeeasy.com and Chilled Magazine. On top of that, he writes about college and professional lacrosse for insidelacrosse.com. He’s also written for Genesee Valley Parenting Magazine, the Democrat and Chronicle Newspaper and ESPN.com. “Osburn on Tap” appears monthly in THE FATHER LIFE. For questions, comments, or if you have a story idea for Chris, throw him an email email@example.com. Also, follow him on twitter http://www.twitter.com/chrisosburn