NFL Power Rankings: Week 13

What the heck, guys? How could you do this to me? We were all so close to being able to enjoy the saddest sporting event in the history of the world, but the selfish New York Jets had to take that possible delight away from us. If they hadn’t been so tacky in their defeat of the Titans, we would all be chatting it up, around our respective water coolers, about Tennessee and Detroit. It should have been the most magically terrible game in history, the 12-0 Titans against the 0-12 Lions. Party pooper Brett Favre had to swoop in and ruin it for all of us. That was totally uncouth, man. Thanks to your lack of any sense of propriety, this Turkey Day match up is just another blah game.

Thanks for nothing, Brett. I’m not saving any pumpkin pie for you.

Last week’s ranking appears in parentheses.

1. (2) New York Giants [10-1]: There isn’t a more solid team in football right now. The offense and defense are both ranked 5th in the league.

2. (1) Tennessee Titans [10-1]: Lose their top ranking for the first time this season after a big loss to the Jets. A thanksgiving date with the Lions is a pretty good way to rebound.

3. (7) New York Jets [8-3]: You heard it here first; Brett Favre will be the NFL MVP.

4. (3) Carolina Panthers [8-3]: Panthers defense had a rare really bad quarter in giving up 28 to the Falcons in the fourth on Sunday.

5. (4) Pittsburgh Steelers [8-3]: Now that the Titans have lost, it’s time to start mentioning the Steelers in more Super Bowl discussions.

6. (5) Tampa Bay Buccaneers [8-3]: Jeff Garcia got sacked six times, but the Bucs still found a way to beat the Lions. It’s called showing up.

7. (6) Arizona Cardinals [7-4]: It’s time to let Edgerrin James go. Giving him one carry in an important game is a slap in the face to a veteran running back.

8. (8) New England Patriots [7-4]: Who is the only Patriots quarterback to ever throw for 400 yards in consecutive games? I’ll give you one hint: it’s not Tom Brady.

9. (9) Washington Redskins [7-4]: Allen Iverson must be really happy with Clinton Portis. He’s tearing up the NFL and he doesn’t even have to go to practice.

10. (10) Dallas Cowboys [7-4]: Oh no, Tony Romo finally realized that Terrell Owens is on the Cowboys. That’s going to be rough for opposing defenses.

11. (11) Atlanta Falcons [7-4]: Big win over Carolina. The loss the week before to the Broncos is a bigger mystery than why McCain chose Palin to be his running mate.

12. (12) Baltimore Ravens [7-4]: Ed Reed had a 108 yard interception return against the Eagles, the only way anyone will do any better is if they play in the CFL with their 50 yard end zones and the ability to catch the football on two bounces.

13. (13) Indianapolis Colts [7-4]: Does anyone other than me realize that the Colts are back in the playoff pictures? They are like a bad horror movie villain. Every time it looks like the Colts season is dead, they pop back up out of nowhere.

14. (14) Miami Dolphins [6-5]: We will see how good Ted Ginn really is now that he will have a chance to be the ‘Fins top receiver for the rest of the season.

15. (15) Chicago Bears [6-5]: The Bears have seven players with over 260 yards receiving. That’s what I call spreading the wealth. Sadly, they don’t have anyone over 400 though.

16. (20) New Orleans Saints [6-5]: Drew Brees is on pace to break Dan Marino’s 1984 season passing record of 5,084 yards.

17. (21) Buffalo Bills [6-5]: The easiest way to illustrate Trent Edward’s running style during his two rushing touchdowns is to imagine an octopus falling out of a tree in slow motion.

18. (16) Philadelphia Eagles [5-5-1]: What is wrong with Donovan Mcnabb? Lately he seems more confused than Hiro Nakamura.

19. (17) Denver Broncos [6-5]: The Broncos are really puzzling. Same days they look like an NFL playoff team and other days they look like they couldn’t beat Snoop Dogg’s Pop Warner team.

20. (18) Minnesota Vikings [6-5]: The Viking’s only needed two minutes to score enough points to beat the Jags. The first two minutes of the game to be exact.

21. (19) Green Bay Packers [5-6]: The Packers can’t seem to find a winning rhythm this season. Lucky for them, neither can anyone else in their division.

22. (22) Jacksonville Jaguars [4-7]: When your best defensive player (Mike Peterson) isn’t even a starter, you’ve got problems.

23. (23) San Diego Chargers [4-7]: In honor of Thanksgiving: on Wednesday, November 26th, I am officially sticking a proverbial fork into the San Diego Chargers playoff hopes.

24. (25) Houston Texans [4-7]: Houston is such a strange team, their defense isn’t terrible and their offense is in the top five, yet they are three games under .500. I guarantee that they would be over .500 if they were a member of the NFC West instead of the AFC South.

25. (26) San Francisco 49ers [3-8]: Sorry Alex Smith, Shaun Hill looks like the man in San Fran.

26. (24) Cleveland Browns [4-7]: Lost all of the momentum they had from their Monday night victory over Buffalo.

27. (28) Oakland Raiders [3-8]: The Raiders spanked the Broncos. It seems like any team other than KC could win the AFC West.

28. (27) St. Louis Rams [2-9]: Pisa Tinoisamoa and Oshiomogho Atogwe are two of the Rams leading tacklers. I spent a long time trying to spell their names correctly before I decided to just copy and paste.

29. (29) Seattle Seahawks [2-9]: It’s getting to the point in the season where we start seeing teams distance themselves from the pack to attain a most special prize, the #1 pick in the draft. Who’s it going to be?

30. (30) Cincinnati Bengals [1-9-1]: The Steelers only needed three days of practice to beat up on the Bengals.

31. (31) Kansas City Chiefs [1-10]: On Sunday, Arrowhead Stadium was emptier than Paris Hilton’s personality.

32. (32) Detroit Lions [0-11]: Led the Buccaneers 17-0 after the first quarter. Too bad they had to play all four.

Chris Osburn is a 26 year old freelance writer and The Father Life‘s resident beer columnist. On top of that, he writes about professional lacrosse for insidelacrosse.com. He’s also written for Genesee Valley Parenting Magazine, the Rochester Democrat and Chronicle, and ESPN.com. “Osburn on Tap” appears monthly in THE FATHER LIFE. For questions, comments, or if you have a story idea for Chris, visit his website http://www.chrisosburnwrites.com.

Article image by: Paige Foster, SXC