Supporting Your Girl

The Neighbor's Wife with Heidi AhrensYou know what I am talking about.  You come home to find your wife or daughter fuming about the injustice that was done to her by another female.  What are you to do?  It does not seem like a big deal to you that the girl in question flicked her hair or forgot to say thank you to your wife, but obviously your FEMALE is not happy.

I don’t really have specific advice for you.  I am still learning about all of this and I learned that listening and not passing judgment is a good starting point.  The best arsenal is for you to understand that women communicate and act out in friendship very differently than men.   It seems to me that men can be friends with someone if they have only one thing in common, like football for example.  Men can sit with each other, drink beer, watch a game and have a great time. They don’t worry that the man sitting next to them might be into green living while you drive an SUV.   My husband is friends with many fundamental Christians and yet he never prays, attends church or believes in being saved.

Last weekend I came home from hosting a baby shower for a friend.  Us women dressed up in dresses, wore large hats and had frilly umbrellas to raft down the Colorado River.  It was a tea party rafting baby shower.  It was great fun because we all had many things in common.  When I got home my husband announced to me that my four year old daughter and her friend played doctor for hours on end.  The general plot line of their game was something about the baby doll being sick and needing needles in the penis or getting his penis cut off or penises being removed.  However way your female decides to bond with their girl friends make sure you keep an open mind and listening ears.

In the last few months articles in the New York Times has shed light onto the subject of gender differences.  Check out Tug of War Pits Genes of Parents in the Fetus to know how your gene has influenced or not the formation of your daughter.

There was also an article about teaching girls survival skills for GirlWorld: Girls, Uninterrupted.  Maybe there should be a camp entitled Men’s Camp for living with Women.

Sometimes I wonder if talking and recognizing these girl interaction trends fuels the problem.   When I bring up observations of social stratification to the different age girls in my life it seems to start stirring the pot.  I wonder if simply spending time with your daughters doing positive things like scaling mountains, visiting museums, cooking and reading (resources for this kind of activity) might uplift your girls spirit and teach them how great relationships are formed with a positive, caring and loving husband like yourself.

The Neighbor’s Wife tends to believe that physical activity is a key role in making sure that girls and women feel good in their body and develop skills in understanding how to interact with one another. Websites like offer support for women to do outdoor activities with their children.   How about if you impress your FEMALE by telling them about the benefits of biking for women or directing them to blogs that talk about keeping fit while pregnant: Pregnant women Unit?

I know that as a mother of two young girls I am reading up on all different points of view on this subject.  As much as I had a very accepting group of friends growing up, I saw my sister being ostracized and I realize now that a lot of my personality was hidden behind my plain appearance so that I would fit in with my chosen group of girl friends.

Good luck Men!

The Neighbors wife is here to bring a bit of feminine wisdom into your life.

Heidi Ahrens

Heidi Ahrens is not the neighbor’s wife of your dreams, but with her background in education, outdoor recreation, and parenting, she may be the one to give you the figurative spanking that will make you spend more quality, healthful time with your family. Don’t worry — her advice and tips are not scientifically proven, they are based on her work on OutdoorBaby.net, her life as a stay-at-home-mom to two young girls, and as the wife of a pretty cool guy.

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