The morning is a very busy time for me. I get up early to ride my bike so I can be back home in time to shower and get dressed before my twin 19 month-olds wake up. The morning provides some of the few moments I get with my children during the week – and it gives my wife a few precious extra minutes of sleep since she spends all day with them by herself.
But of course once they’re up I am still trying to eat my breakfast, get their milk and all the other things I need to do to get out of the house on time. So while it is special time, it can also be stressful time. Even after my wife wakes up, it is still pretty hectic because when she comes into the playroom, I usually rush off to take my vitamins and brush my teeth. After a minute or so I can usually see the face of my little boy looking up at me – he wants to watch Daddy.
I’m embarrassed to say my initial reaction to this was annoyance. I’m in a rush and am doing everything I can to get out of the house on time to catch my train and his presence impedes that process. You lose time and also lose what little privacy remains when you have two toddlers. If I just did what I had to do, I would find myself constantly trying to avoid tripping over him. If I picked him up and brought him to his mother, he would show up outside the bathroom door a minute later – depending on how long it took him to wriggle out of Mommy’s arms. That’s when it hit me. He’s not trying to be annoying; he’s trying to learn how to be just like Daddy, just like me.
So after kicking myself for being an idiot, I began to realize the potential. Here was my little boy, looking to me, fascinated with the things I did because he wants to be just like Daddy. I was overwhelmed by a combination of terror and joy. Elijah has no idea the mistakes I make every day, that I’m just an average guy making my way through life. And he doesn’t care whether I feel worthy enough to be his role model – it’s too late. I already am.
Now my morning routine is changing. When I take my vitamins, he wants to take his, too. After I finish brushing my teeth and rinse my mouth, I help him to rinse his mouth and wipe it with my towel. He absolutely loves it. After I brush my hair, he wants to do the same and walks around carrying this brush the size of his head trying to brush it. Utterly adorable. Not surprisingly, my relationship with Elijah has never felt stronger than it does now and it is in no small part because of the realization of what he was really doing.
I still wonder… does he understand on some level that I’m male and he is too, and that’s why he watches me so intently while my daughter doesn’t? What does he think about while he watches? Am I doing enough for him, enabling him to feel the same strong connection I now feel with him? I certainly hope so. I have learned, though, that there are times when it is better to ask fewer questions than more when it comes to being a parent. What I do know is, when I leave the room to brush my teeth, I look for him, waiting to hear the little patter of his feet, waiting to see his beautiful brown eyes staring up, hoping he will be right behind me.
Photo credit: István Turcsik
Originally published October 2007
Jeremy Schneider is a fatherhood expert, syndicated columnist, and therapist specializing in parenting, relationships, and helping people overcome depression. Learn more about Jeremy at jgs.net.
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What a beautifully written post! I can really relate to the hustle and bustle of mornings with little ones. It’s so easy to get caught up in the rush of trying to get everything done, but the moments when your child looks up at you with those big, trusting eyes are priceless. It’s those little things that remind us of how important it is to slow down and appreciate the time we do have with our families, even in the midst of the chaos. Your dedication to making the mornings work for both you and your wife is truly inspiring!
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This is such a touching reminder of how deeply our little ones look up to us, even in the smallest everyday moments. Your son watching you with such admiration is not just adorable – it’s powerful. The way you turned a stressful routine into a bonding ritual is truly inspiring. It shows that being present, even in the rush, can build the strongest connections. Absolutely beautiful
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Your son’s simple act of watching you has sparked a deep emotional shift, and your vulnerability in sharing both your initial annoyance and your later realization is commendable. @Escape Road, these small routines you now share—brushing teeth, rinsing, pretending to take vitamins—will likely become some of his core memories. It’s a gentle reminder that being present matters more than being perfect.
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I love those quiet morning moments with little ones! It reminds me of when my family plays gartic phone online together for some fun laughs. It’s a great way to connect, even during busy times.
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This was such a heartfelt story about fatherhood and the way children naturally look up to their parents. The realization that Elijah wasn’t trying to interrupt his dad’s routine, but was simply trying to learn by watching him, really stood out to me. Small everyday moments like brushing teeth, taking vitamins, or even copying a parent’s routine can become meaningful memories and strengthen the bond between a father and child. It’s a beautiful reminder that children often learn more from what we do than what we say. Similarly, personal choices like exploring different perfume brands in Pakistan can also become part of the everyday habits and preferences we pass on to the next generation.