[HUSBAND@HOME] Here Comes the Neighborhood!

RugbyMom — Wed, 03 Jun 2009 06:24:38 +0000

A two-income household becomes a one-income household, and dad stays home! Sure, you’ve heard the stories of stay-at-home-dads before, but now you can read it from the outside in. Husband@Home is one wife and mother’s observations as her family adjusts to having a stay-at-home-dad.

My husband had only been at this ‘daycare daddy’ thing for about a month when the neighbors started coming over to visit with him more often. We are fortunate to have wonderful neighbors and we will often just stop in to say hello. (I realize this does not happen in many parts of this country, but it still happens in Tennessee… depending on where you live!) It is spring after all and everyone is emerging from their respective hibernation. The children are racing up and down the street on their bikes, and teenagers are packed into hatchbacks like sardines zooming down the street threatening to “squash [us] like a bug” as my oldest would say.

When I was a teen, the Vice Principal at our high school would come over the loudseaker every spring when the making out in the hallways had reached its pinnacle. He gave us the same speech every year; it began something like this, “the days are getting warmer, the flowers are in bloom, the bees are buzzing and the birds are chirping…” hence our naming it the birds and bees lecture. We knew spring was officially here when we heard this speech.

Now, many years later, my spring is marked by my own children emerging from their sleepy winter dazes into the warm sunshine and running through the sprinkler octopus. This spring there is something new. It started so subtly that I did not realize the transition. I came home one day and my husband was looking after a neighbor’s children for them. I was proud of him. The kids were running through the house flagging the doors and tracking in dirt; so I had to play bad cop for a moment, but things quickly settled down. Ultimately order was restored and we enjoyed the company of their children playing with our children.

I love that our neighbors trust us with their children and I am glad to be the house on the street alive with children and dogs! Through the course of the next couple weeks, this became more common. The people in the neighborhood looked to him more often to help out or to watch out for them. They depended on him. He would help fill in a hole where the kids could have twisted their ankle, cut low-lying brances from a neighbor’s tree, help seperate monkey grass for a pregnant neighbor, etc. This is the kind of neighbor we should all strive to be! Not only had he recently taken on the responsibility of staying home with two toddlers day in and day out, he was now the neighborhood watchdog and Mr. Rogers!

I know you must sense a huge ‘but’ coming on… and here it is; when I come home from work, I am pretty tired and I require a few minutes to change gears. On most days, I sit in traffic for 45 minutes to an hour, trying not to turn on the A/C in order to save gas. I try to use that time to shake off my work day and look forward to my children, but sometimes traffic is a whole other stressor that requires some time to get over. I need a few minutes to re-adjust. I want to hold my girls and listen to them babble about their day, but not police a house full of children.

That first five minutes when I come in from work is the best five minutes of my day! Ten minutes later I have locked myself in my bathroom (pretending to have a tummy-ache) with pen and paper writing this down.

Image credit: B S K, SXC

[HUSBAND@HOME] Daylight: A new day for Dad

RugbyMom — Sat, 09 May 2009 01:10:58 +0000

At first there were proclamations like, “I got this,” and then, “You don’t know how hard this is!” Then there was humility, ending ultimately in a symphony of resolve and acceptance.

When a decision to be a stay-at-home-dad is made, I would imagine it is discussed ad nauseam. Not so this time. It was mentioned initially by my husband in a way that was almost sarcastic, i.e. ‘I may as well stay home with the kids…it just makes sense.’ I suppose it stuck in our heads for a couple days.

On my way home from work I called home to talk about what’s for dinner and how freaking starving I was, and then I say, “So…the other day when you said…” before I finish he knows where I am going. “Yeah,” he cuts in “I have been thinking about it, just let me think about it.”

Okey-dokey, not a problem! This one was better left alone. He had to come to this decision on his own. It would be the most challenging and important job he has ever taken. The stakes where high, no vacation, but the benefits could be great. I wonder to myself if he is concerned about how others might see him.

Husband bounces the idea off of family members and friends over the course of almost two weeks with nothing but positive feedback. I remain quiet (FYI, it’s killing me!!!) Obviously you know what he decided; otherwise, I would not be here blogging about this experience and how it has changed our marriage and our whole family dynamic. When the subject came up again, he was ready to go forward and not only that, he was excited about it! I asked him a few questions about what his plans were with the girls, daily routine, etc. and we were on the same page. I was ecstatic. . . for a moment.

To my surprise, when turning in our notice to the Director of our daycare, I began to cry! I loved these women! They loved our girls and took good care of them. They cooked hot meals for them every day. They kept them on a schedule and taught them how to say the pledge of allegiance. Although it was not a Christian school, these wonderful, southern women just happened to sing “Jesus loves me” loud enough for these kids to accidentally pick it up! (For me this was a good thing.) I was leaving that security and trusting (horror of all horrors) my husband/their father to take care of them!

Then it became so clear to me; I was a fool to even doubt for a moment that this was the best thing for our toddlers. Only 2 weeks later, we could afford to go out to eat as a family for the first time in almost one year, and I witnessed the girls responding to their father in a whole new way. They were more playful, loving, and respectful of their father. They wanted to make him proud and for him to be proud of them. It is a beautiful thing to see their relationships further develop. Heaven knows there is no one better to take care of them than their Daddy!

Image credit: B S K, SXC

THE FATHER LIFE » mother

[HUSBAND@HOME] Here Comes the Neighborhood!

[HUSBAND@HOME] Daylight: A new day for Dad