THE FATHER LIFE » back to school

Six Tools to Relieve Your Child’s “Back-to-School-itis”

Charlotte Reznick — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 09:44:09 +0000

For some kids, going back to school at the end of summer can be traumatic. Anticipating a new teacher, classmates, grade, or school can trigger fear, anxiety, and depression–not to mention very real physical symptoms such as stomachaches, headaches, and insomnia.

Fortunately, your child has a whole toolbox to draw from–in her own imagination. Here are six imagination tools parents can use with young children to relieve “back-to-school-itis.”

Teach her to balloon breathe. With her hands around her navel, have her breathe slowly and deeply into her lower belly so it presses into her hands like an inflating balloon. The Balloon Breath has dramatic calming effects and facilitates a waking state of focused concentration and receptivity to positive suggestions. This one tool makes all the other ones easier.
Visit his special place. This is a safe private place within your child’s inner world where he can work out problems or take a mini-vacation from stress and worry. He can invite a wise Animal Friend into his special place to talk to and help him, or he can even dig for a treasure box there that contains the antidote to his fear.
Draw the fear. Putting an image on paper: (1) makes her fear of separation realer and less frightening than keeping it inside, and (2) makes her fear less likely to grow because there is a concrete picture to work with. Once she has a picture, she can talk to it, find out why it’s trying to scare her, strike a bargain with it, surround it with a soothing color bubble, and so on.
Talk to his symptom. When a child suffers from a worry headache or stomachache, these three questions can help eliminate the pain. Have him do deep balloon breathing (diaphragmatic breathing), then ask: (1) What color is it? (2) What shape is it? (3) How heavy is it? After more breaths, ask him again. Continue to breathe and question in rounds. His pain will likely change or disappear. If it doesn’t completely go away, ask the ache what it wants him to know, do, or understand to release any more bits of pain.
Picture the future. Artwork is also an effective starting point when you’re working with clear end-goals, like getting a good night’s sleep or reducing a fear. Have your child draw two drawings–how things are now and how she’d like them to be. Hang the picture in her bedroom; this is a great reminder of her desired goal and the first step toward getting there.
Encourage drama. For kids whose nature tends toward drama, acting out their worries and troubles is a wonderful way to release them. Let them play it out–with puppets, with their bodies, with anything their imagination suggests. It’s amazing what creative solutions come up when given free reign.

Image credit: Jyn Meyer

[A DAD'S POINT-OF-VIEW] Back to School

Bruce Sallan — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 03:49:41 +0000

Recently, I saw a really funny commercial showing a man leaping with joy as he pulled something down an aisle. It was revealed to be a couch, with his two sullen kids sitting on it, and the background music was the famous Christmas song which extols, “It’s the most wonderful time of the year.” It was a back-to-school ad and that dad was jumping for joy. It was very clever, so kudos to Staples. Yes, the kids are going back to school. We parents get our lives back–especially our evenings.

The job of parent revolves around the school calendar. Our chauffeuring responsibilities are different during the school year than during vacation times. One of the big differences, from my perspective, is the bedtimes for the boys. On “school nights” they have a curfew that gives us some quiet at night. However, during summer, the boys are allowed more freedom and Will, my almost-16-year-old, loves to stay up late and sleep in late. At least I get quiet time in the summer mornings. It’s said that the more they sleep, in the summer, the more they’re growing. Will is 6 feet, 2 inches already!

Television watching of any kind is also limited during the school year. In fact, none is allowed on school days. This policy has been in place ever since the boys began school, as I believe television is the biggest waste of time for everyone, let alone a total distortion of reality and an assault on many of our values. (This is, of course, ironic, given my former career was in television.) But during summer, vacations, and weekends, they’re allowed to watch. That means a lot of television in the summer. This, too, will end when school begins.

Summer also usually means a family vacation. Family vacations mean vacation for the kids and torture for the parents. It means fun, fun, fun for the kids and exhaustion for the parents. It means eating, running around, amusement parks, cruises for the kids, all of which they love–but an empty bank account for the parents.

Summer days means the boys are often hanging around the house, with or without friends, and always underfoot asking, “What’s for lunch?” or, “What are we doing today?” It’s like we’re the entertainment directors on this particular cruise of life, in our own home. But with school, they have to be somewhere every week day. They have homework. They have to go to bed before we do. And, as a result, we get some of our lives back. So, like the dad in that commercial, I’m doing cartwheels with anticipation and joy at the forthcoming end of summer.

School, of course, has its own challenges. How much should we push our kids for grades? How much independence do we allow them (with their schoolwork, choice of classes, etc.)? When do our expectations exceed their capabilities or desires? How important is college for every kid? Clearly, these are questions which I’ll address another time. In my case I have two different kids with two totally disparate approaches to school. So, consequently, I have to approach each of them distinctly and respect their individual strengths and weaknesses. And, of course, I have to remember that they’re not me. They don’t have my specific interests, nor my work habits (good and bad).

I remember with such fondness and irony how I viewed summer when I was a kid. The moment summer began, I not only rejoiced, but I saw this gigantic ocean of freedom and fun ahead of me. However, when school began again, I felt as if my life was over as the interminable school year began, my prison sentence resumed, and it felt like forever till the next summer would come around.

My attitude towards time has changed as I’ve grown older, and I now see summer as a blip of time. Our perspective on time is subjective, in my opinion. That is also why, as I’ve gotten older, I’ve become more patient waiting for those things I’m looking forward to doing. A vacation in six months doesn’t seem that far away while, when I was a kid, the weekend felt distant every Monday. And, like me before them, my boys do a countdown to summer and a sadder countdown to when school begins again.

So, it’s back to school and back to a regular routine, and that is the comfort of the school year for me. For me, it’s like having that assigned seat in “homeroom,” where at least I could count on one thing being within my control during my own tumultuous school years. I know what’s expected of me, as dad, and the boys largely have a schedule to follow. My wife and I can watch a movie at night without interruption and life feels normal. Until next summer.

Image credit: Emre Danisman

Back To School Checklist For the Single Parent

RJ Jaramillo — Mon, 17 Aug 2009 03:11:04 +0000

Yes, it is time to get our kids back on a school schedule. This article is a reminder for some and a very important checklist for the new single parent. I have gathered a lot of suggestions from our SingleDad.com members who wanted to share their tips for getting prepared for the school year.

Clothes Inventory

Keeping an inventory of clothes between divorced parents’ households has its own unique challenges. Depending on the relationship status, it is perfectly normal to label your child’s clothes for the sake of inventory exchange. I would strongly recommend disclosing your reason for marking the clothes. Your goal is to make every effort to keep an open dialog. Offering a bi-weekly clothes exchange will help keep both household’s clothes inventory balanced and communication between all parties peaceful. Make sure your markings are distinct to you, but not embarrassing to your child.

Clothes Shopping

Depending on where you live and the late summer/early fall weather, it is smart to wait to buy school clothes until after the school year starts. Most department stores and clothes retailers will offer additional discounts on school clothes after the school year has started. If you don’t mind a smaller selection of styles and sizes, waiting can pay off big with your wallet. In addition, keeping an eye on some of the discount stores such as Ross, Marshalls, and TJ Maxx can also save you money. If you don’t mind sorting through the selection, I have found these stores can offer some huge savings on quality clothes at less than half the department store price. Another concept that has been gaining popularity is called a clothes exchange. These are organized events that your local church or a community group will sponsor. It is like a clothes-only garage sale. Most of the time no money is required, you just bring your kid’s clothes to offer in exchange. Finally, the thrift store has become the new “cool” place to exchange clothes. Check your local thrift stores to see if they will offer you exchange credits for clothes that you bring in that you can use to pay for new clothes from the shop.

Your Child’s Sleep Schedule

The best advice our members can offer on this subject is to start early. You do not want to attempt to get your kids started on a proper sleep schedule the night before school starts. There is nothing worse than hearing about the whining, complaining, and lack of attention that will happen at school from the lack of sleep. Furthermore, it is embarrassing to attend your first parent/teacher meeting and have the entire discussion be about your child’s well being. Sleep is as important as food and water. If you are newly divorced, make sure you and your ex set a time for your child’s bedtime. It is recommended that your child gets 8 to 10 hours of sleep a night.

Emergency Contact and Health Insurance Information

For a variety of reasons, some single parents do not have the participation of the other parent in child’s daily school life. This is where it is especially important to have your emergency contact available and shared with another family member, friend, or relative. I have a “Gal Pals / Guy Pals” in place which are other friends of mine that I can rely on as back up for any emergency related to my children and school activities. Make sure your emergency contact has a copy of your health insurance information and your family doctor’s name and phone number. Another important tip is to save this information on your cell phone, but I would suggest you type it in backwards so the information will be harder to understand by anyone else but you if you ever lose the phone.

At the beginning of every school year, your child’s school will ask for all of your personal information, and it is perfectly normal and important to disclose on the information packet that you are a single parent and whether you are sharing custody or have sole custody. Make sure your school knows your status and how they can contact you. Don’t make assumptions; make sure your child’s teacher has your contact information as well. It is also perfectly normal to request a teacher’s contact information, like an email address. This information gives you the opportunity to send an e-mail with all of your contact information directly to your teacher and gives both parties a direct method of communication. This is especially important if you are co-parenting. Staying up-to-date on homework and school activities through e-mail avoids any miscommunication between parties.

I hope these suggestions were helpful and that your back to school routines will go as smoothly as possible. For more information on Single Parent advice and resources, go to www.singledad.com.

Image credit: Sophie