This afternoon we in the Martin household did some last-minute back-to-school shopping with Hanes.com.  We got some great deals, and the kids can’t wait for their stuff to arrive in the mail.

I’m betting you’ve probably got some back-to-school shopping to do, too, and to that end, I’ve got a giveaway coming up soon.  Watch for your chance to pick up a $50 Hanes gift card from THE FATHER LIFE soon.  Details coming soon…

1. Do you feel exhausted from little or no sleep/being up all night?
2. Are you perpetually rumpled, dirty, unclean, unshaven, unkempt, perhaps even STINKY? Do you find that you don't really care?
3. Do you often find yourself wearing the same things over and over?
4. Do you often find yourself scarfing cold or lukewarm, greasy food, standing up/walking/running?
5. Have you found that you now actually LIKE beany weenies?
6. Do you occasionally scream?
7. Do you occasionally scream the same thing over and over? And over?
8. Do you occasionally scream or pontificate about beany weenies?
9. Has your memory... um, is the... what was the question?
10. Do the strangest things often come flying in from every direction?
11. Have the terms, "debris field" and "unholy terror," become relative?
12. Do you find yourself schlepping incredibly heavy things, over great distances, back and forth?
13. Do you find yourself going to the bathroom as quickly as possible while someone is screaming nearby?
14. Do you bark orders at troops who seem selectively deaf?
15. Have you become jaded to crying and shouting and fighting?
16. Are you and/or your troops often sick and cranky?
17. Are you often strapping people into things, and checking the straps?
18. On your rare breaks, do you stare into space, numb and insensate? (AKA, the Thousand Yard Stare.)
19. Have you, for all intents & purposes, become celebate for long periods?
20. Have you stepped on mines (toys), barefoot, and screamed/cursed in pain?
21. When out running errands at lightspeed, have you found that you instinctively KNOW what every crying baby/toddler wants, even when it's not your kid? Have you, the VETERAN, muttered the answer to the clueless parents of the child? ("He's HUNGRY, you idiot.")
22. Do you take the most unspeakable of acts at face-value?
23. Have you come in contact with blood, vomit, feces, urine, hair, smooshed/uneaten food in the same hour? In the same minute?
24. Do you start 90% of sentences with, "Awright, you apes/monkeys...."
25. Have you or your commander gone hopelessly insane, simultaneously giggling and crying?
26. Have you fallen to calling your commander, "Mommy."
27. Do you often feel like you'd be happier if you were blown to bits by a 80 mm shell?

Well, as they say, some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them. The cars we’ve chosen for this list represent all three of those possibilities — and more. The only thing noncontroversial about our selections is the fact that this list will create controversy. But that’s OK. Let’s get started:

Top American Car No. 5: Ford Mustang
Even the most dyed-in-the-wool Mustang fanatic will admit that the original Mustang — and for that matter all the Mustangs that have come since — are rather rudimentary and unremarkable from a technical and engineering standpoint. What is remarkable is how the Mustang has captured and held the American public’s fancy for more than five decades.

From the time the clay model of the Mustang was unveiled to Ford executives in August 1962, it exhibited the key features that the public would love two years later: the long hood, short deck, muscular rear fenders and expansive, forward-leaning grille. Under the designer wardrobe were some rather mundane mechanicals. The front and rear suspension was nearly pure Ford Falcon. Brakes were drum-type, also pulled from the Ford parts catalog, and the Mustang’s base engine was a so-so in-line, overhead valve six cylinder that wrested just 101 horsepower from its 170 cubic inch (2.8-liter) displacement. But the optional 164-horsepower V-8 did deliver on the promise of the car’s good looks. And the public responded. Lured by its sporty lines and comforted by its palatable base price of just $2,368, buyers stampeded Ford showrooms, buying every Mustang in sight and ordering thousands more. In the first year, Mustang sales reached an astounding 518,000 … and the model was just getting started.

Top American Car No. 4: Chrysler Airflow
The importance of the Chrysler Airflow is largely underestimated because it was, unlike the Ford Mustang, a commercial failure. But despite the fact that the public didn’t take to its avant-garde looks, Chrysler’s brave attempt at innovation may well have made this the most important vehicle of the 1930s. Not only did the Airflow lead the way in terms of aerodynamics (or “streamlining,” as it was then called), it was the first mass-market car in the world to use the “modern” architecture that has now become standard.

In the late ’20s, most automotive design could be characterized as one box stacked on another. All the car’s equipment — lights, horn, bumpers, spare tire — were hung somewhere on the two boxes and allowed to wave in the breeze. Just from eyeballing some airplanes, Chrysler engineer Carl Breer intuited that taking a similar approach to automotive design could result in some real benefits, and the approach changed everything about the automobile — from where the driver and passenger sat, to the placement of the engine, to the design of the body. Although far from beautiful, the final Airflow design unveiled at the 1934 New York Auto Show stopped traffic and generated tens of thousands of inquiries. Sales weren’t nearly as robust, but the model is an important part of every car we drive today.

Top American Car No. 3: Chevrolet Corvette Sting Ray
The first 10 years of Corvette history were years of struggle, experimentation and difficulty. Despite the fact that the model is now iconic, customer acceptance didn’t come easily to the Corvette, and the design of a sports car didn’t come easily to Chevrolet engineers. All that would change, however, with the 1963 model year. The Corvette was given a second name, Sting Ray, and the chassis and body were new from the asphalt up. The changes gave the Corvette a level of sophistication equal of any European sports machine.

Undoubtedly the biggest change was the switch from the solid “live” axle of the previous-edition Corvette to an ingenious independent rear suspension that stepped the car up several notches in technology. In tandem with the shorter wheelbase, the new independent suspension made the Corvette much more maneuverable and helped immensely in getting the Corvette’s substantial power to the road. And there was power aplenty. The 327 cubic inch V-8 was offered in four versions. In base trim the Corvette delivered 250 horsepower, but step-ups could net 300, 340 or even 360 horsepower — the latter with fuel injection. No matter the engine, however, the Corvette Sting Ray of the era had few equals on road or track, and no equals in price. It was truly America’s sports car.

Top American Car No. 2: Duesenberg SJ
Duesenbergs won the Indianapolis 500 in 1924, 1925 and 1927. But sweet as that last Indy 500 victory was, the year 1927 was not a good one for the brother team that owned the company. With financial difficulties hanging over their heads, the Duesenbergs found a savior in Erret Lobban Cord, and what Cord had in mind was translating Duesenberg’s news-making racing exploits into an ultra-luxury line of vehicles for the street. His grandiose but ultimately accurate claim for Duesenberg was “The World’s Finest Motor Car.”

Cord’s first order of business was designing a new Duesenberg model with styling as impressive as its engineering. Since most buyers of cars in the Duesenberg class had their cars fitted with custom bodies, only a few portions of the vehicle were ripe for standardization, but the Cord design team did a masterful job. The grille and radiator shell of the new Duesenberg had the classic grace of a Greek temple, while the oversize headlights gave the front end a wide-eyed look. The hood was impressive both in its length and simple form, and under the hood was a sophisticated twin-overhead-cam engine that produced 265 horsepower.

If there was any doubt that the Model J was an ultra-luxury machine, that doubt was removed by its price tag. A body-less chassis often sold for more than $8,000, and custom coachwork then added $4,000 to $7,000 to that figure. Of course, to those who were living large in the Depression-ridden 1930s (like movie idol Clark Gable), that price was another mark of distinction. And for those who were even more power-hungry, a supercharged SJ model was also available. With the right bodywork, an SJ was said to have a top-speed potential of more than 130 mph.

Top American Car No. 1: Ford Model T
The Ford Model T achieved legendary stature after its passing, but during its life span, it got little respect — despite the fact that it literally changed the world. While the Model T would eventually be viewed as old-fashioned as high-button shoes, it was innovative when it crashed headlong into the American market in October 1908. Among its special features were its planetary transmission, the use of a detachable cylinder head and the left-side mounting of its steering wheel. The two forward speeds and the reverse transmission was operated by foot pedals, enabling, as Ford claimed in its literature, “the driver to stop, start, change speeds or reverse the car, without removing the hands from the steering wheel.”

The four-cylinder engine was ruggedly simple. Its block and crankcase were cast as a piece, and the detachable head made service easy. Reliable as red brick, the 177-cubic-inch Model T engine produced 22 horsepower at 1600 rpm and delivered a fuel economy better than 20 miles per gallon. The chassis of the Model T was just as rugged. While many cars of the day still used wooden parts in their chassis, the Model T’s frame and running gear were fashioned from vanadium and heat-treated steel. With a 100-inch wheelbase, the typical Model T weighed about 1,200 pounds and offered more than 10 inches of ground clearance. It was perfect to do combat with America’s vast network of unimproved, unpaved roads.

The Model T wasn’t just an immediate hit in the marketplace: It transformed the marketplace. To keep up with demand, Ford had to invent new production techniques, culminating in 1914 with the invention of the moving assembly line. By 1919, Ford Motor Co. had produced its three-millionth Model T, and the momentum was continuing to build. After weathering a recession in 1920, Ford’s yearly production topped one million a year in 1922, 1923, 1924 and 1925. In 1927, after an incredible production run of more than 15,485,000 Model T’s, Ford’s factories ceased building the car — a car that, more than any other, defined what the world’s auto industry would become.

Driving Today Contributing Editor Luigi Fraschini writes frequently about the auto industry and classic cars.

Image credit: stevoarnold

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1. Left Hander's Day was started in August 13 1976 by Left handers International.
2. About 7 percent of the population is left handed.
3. Lefties are also called "southpaws".
4. In twins, there is a high tendency for one to be left-handed.
5. 1 in 4 Apollo astronauts were left-handed.
6. 4 of the 5 original designers of the Macintosh computer were left-handed.
7. Left-handers usually reach puberty 4 to 5 months after right-handers.
8. George H.W. Bush, Bill Clinton, and Barack Obama are all left handed. Ronald Regan was left handed too.
9. Pablo Picasso, Isaac Newton, Leonardo Di Vinci, and Michelangelo were also left handed.
10. Right handed people tend to use the left side of their brains more. Left handed people tend to use the rights.
11. Left handers tend to adjust quickly to seeing underwater.
12. Right handers tend to chew food on the right side, left handers tend to chew on the left side.
13. Albert Einstein was left handed. He also had three testicles.
14. Left handed people who have higher I.Q.s tend to have an I.Q. of over 140.
15. In some cultures it is impolite to touch your food with your left hand (because they wipe with it).

"...and that's sans chicken. However, this is a prime site for studying what has traditionally been known as, 'Mommy Brain,'" said Dr. Parrot lounging on sand that used to feature the corpus callosum, "but this time, we get to study it from inside the head of a MALE who was silly enough to volunteer for the duty, what a sap. We'll also be doing tissue samples to ensure that building permits will be readily obtained for the inevitable theme park."

"We can't WAIT to break ground here," drooled Starbucks CEO, Ted Starbucks, vibrating in place after 50 morning espressos. "THIS IS THE BRAIN. BUT IT'S A WASTELAND! WHEEEEEEEEEEEE! Hold still, will you? Mommy, uh...?" After regaining consciousness, Mr. Starbucks later said that he was thrilled to bring an overpriced cup of coffee to an otherwise barren region.

Most pleased was real estate developer [redacted by Civil Order #BR263254], not to be confused with the man rumored to possess a uterus, though this has never been proven. "Besides the strip mall and casino and theme park, we've already broken ground on a new drive-in multiplex. There's all kinds of weird movies being projected in here all the time, anyway, so we thought we might as well charge admission." Giggling like a little girl, the developer later added that, apart from all the UFO landing pads, there was also lots and lots and lots of room for toxic waste disposal, conjuring lucrative long-term illegal contracts with the federal government.