The recent tragedy in Aurora, Colorado, in which a young man, dressed in full protective gear, wrought havoc, death, and mayhem on an innocent movie crowd is no accident. He was a lover of The Joker, the “star” of the second Dark Knight movie, portrayed by the late Heath Ledger. He was a lover of violent role-playing video games. He chose the new Batman movie crowd as his target; he didn’t choose the latest Pixar movie.

I worked in the entertainment business for a quarter century. My forte was the now largely defunct “Movie of the Week.” We suffered our own run of poor taste when so many of the television movies were ripped-from-the-headlines true murder films. The first writing I ever did was my effort to put a halt to that shameful period of television with “Murders of the Week.” It was later reprinted in the Daily Variety, and I like to think it led to the considerable lessening of production of those movies.

The Hollywood my parents grew up with and that I grew up with was quite different than today’s movie world. My parents lived through World War II, when not only did Hollywood contribute wonderful movies glorifying the sacrifices of our men and women in the armed forces but also made films about sacrifices on the home front. These films helped bolster a scared nation. After the war, Hollywood continued making such moves, with The Best Years of Our Lives deservedly earning a Best Picture Oscar in 1946.

I grew up with adventure films that starred such late greats as Charles Bronson, Steve McQueen, Lee Marvin, Gregory Peck, and so many others. The Great Escape was truly awesome to me, though the more likely word we used then was either “cool” or “groovy.” The Guns of Navarone, The Dirty Dozen, and so many other films of that era informed my idea of heroes and villains.

Many years later, Quentin Tarantino came along and wrote and/or directed movies with unmitigated violence and any lack of honor, at least the honor I learned in my life. I’ve only seen one film of his, so I can only judge from afar, and the one I did see -Inglourious Basterds – had some value, in my opinion. Oliver Stone came along and tried to change history with his movies, starting with his anti-war depictions in Platoon, continuing with his totally fictional JFK, and others. Ironically, he made a truly good movie about 9/11 – World Trade Center in 2006 – but much damage to the soul of America had already been done by his prior work.

When the original Psycho came out in 1960, it was hailed as the scariest movie ever. And it was pretty darn scary. The infamous shower scene, however, was in black and white and did not show a single explicit shot of violence. It was brilliantly directed by the late Alfred Hitchcock and masterfully scored by Bernard Herrman to a chilling effect.

Today’s horror films try to out-do each other with extreme gore. The Saw series is just one example. The excesses portrayed in these films induce nightmares, desensitize feelings, and create a culture in which violence seems okay to portray and even to laugh at. Sorry, I don’t think it’s funny.

Does Hollywood care? Some say Hollywood only cares about money. But, if that were true why do they still make so many R-rated movies when their box office performance is invariably less than the moderately rated films? This is a contradiction in reality that Hollywood chooses to ignore to pacify the stars, filmmakers, and studio execs that like the R-rated films and think that they are expanding “their art.” Read Michael Medved’s Hollywood Vs. America for ample evidence of the fiscal failure of R-rated movies!

Now, let’s look at the video games. I’m old enough to remember Atari’s first video game, Pong. It was a simple competition of “hitting” a virtual ball back and forth. Nobody had to die, and it was a lot of fun. Today’s video games often try to out-do one another with gore, blood, and violence. The very successful “Grand Theft Auto” video game series took this even further by demonizing the police and giving the player more points when they killed police and innocents. Hooray for Hollywood. Hooray for the Gaming Industry.

Where do we parents come into this discussion? How many parents give in to their children’s pleas to go to the latest PG-13 or R-rated movie before their children are anywhere close to mature enough to see them? What about the games and Internet access allowed to many kids?

Do you think the Colorado shooter was watching the Discovery Channel, renting Pixar movies, and playing Mario Brothers video games? I’m sure he avoided all those excessively violent horror movies, so many of which had sequel after sequel. The same goes for the Columbine killers. Their favorite music was The Four Seasons, wasn’t it? No, I think it was Patti Page.

I haven’t even touched on the lack of responsibility within the music industry, which completely shares Hollywood’s and the gaming industry’s lack of soul.

To paint these industries as the bad guys with one brush stroke is too simple. This is a complicated societal problem that has grown over time during my generation – the boomers. The solution isn’t simple either. But, maybe if these industries thought about their five-year-old boys and girls a little more, they might choose to make a Batman movie with slightly less gore, skip the horror movies altogether, and maybe strive to create stories that enrich, educate, and inspire.

Photo credit: 401(K)2012 / flickr.com

Human nature is such that when something doesn’t directly affect you, it’s easy to not pay attention. Such has been the case for this dad regarding the escalating costs of college, the incredible competition to get in, and all the bizarre and increasingly complex options to try and pay for it all. Maybe it’s a scam on us parents? Maybe it’s another bubble about to burst as some say about the over 1 trillion in student debt? All I know is we are paying a ridiculous fortune to send our first-born to a private college in Boston.

Part of my outrage has become a sort of ongoing rant that I’ve done on my radio show, to anyone who will listen, and now in writing. It seems that I completely messed up as a dad. Instead of abandoning the family when my marriage ended, I stuck around… even when mom disappeared altogether. Instead of going delinquent on my rent or mortgage and credit card bills, I paid them – on time. Instead of spending all my savings on new cars, vacations, and toys, I towed the line in anticipation of future needs. Instead of developing a bad addiction that landed me in re-hap or jail, I kept a relatively healthy lifestyle. WHAT WAS I THINKING?

All of that behavior disallowed my boys from eligibility for ANY aid. If I’d been more irresponsible, the government and/or colleges would’ve helped out. We don’t even qualify for a loan of any sort, except exorbitant private loans. When Jodi Okun (CollegeFinancialAidAdvisors.com) graciously offered to take me through the finances and loan possibilities, after my son was accepted at The Berklee College of Music in Boston, we began with a quick Q&A.

After I answered a couple basic questions about my finances, Jodi started to laugh. Now, to be clear, we are friends so it was a laugh of friendship. What was she laughing at: the fact that my savings and good credit made my boys and me totally ineligible for anything. And, the amount one has that disqualifies a family are shockingly small!

This is where the whole “scam” notion comes to bear. Our family therapist has paid for and sent his two daughters through college, completely on his dime. He, too, was totally irresponsible by paying off debt, investing wisely, and saving money. He told my wife and me the story of a patient who was a struggling legal immigrant – a single mom. Her son excelled at school and was accepted to a fine state college with a full ride, aka for free. The college – U.C. Santa Cruz – is one of those where the local community lives off the students and their parents. This mom could NOT afford to attend her son’s graduation because of the cost of getting and staying there.

The scam is that colleges have upped their tuition by nearly 400% in the past decade. It is the number one inflation category. What is number two? Health care at “just” 250%! Plus, our government has basically encouraged those outrageous tuition hikes in the same manner they “encouraged” banks to make home mortgage loans to people that truly didn’t qualify. The bubble burst then. When will it burst with college and the huge abundance of loans that most graduates cannot afford to re-pay?

The whys of this are complicated. But, like the mortgage crises it involves too much government intervention, greedy institutions (the colleges and universities), and parents and students that have bought into the whole thing. C’mon, what is wrong with spending the first two years at a local community college? Is every kid really suited for college? What happened to trade schools? Do you know any poor plumbers or electricians?

Then we have my generation of parents, the boomers and those that helicopter their kids. We raised our kids to think they could do anything they wanted. We expected every one of our kids to go to college. We spoiled our kids in untold ways. Most of us aren’t even that aware of how much college has changed since most of us attended them! That is another article altogether, but it is significantly different today since the sixties generation are now the leaders, professors, and administrators at our colleges and universities.

The traffic jam at many schools has caused students to fight and struggle to complete their necessary coursework in four years, given that many requisites are “sold out.” Much more proselytizing goes on IN the classroom and around the campuses than even the Vietnam era protesting that my generation forced upon America.

At many schools – as crass as this sounds – we are spending tens of thousands of dollars to let our kids go binge drinking, experiment with sex, and be brainwashed in class. Heck, they can do that all at a local community college and we don’t have to pay $60,000 a year for them to come back and hate everything that we stand for!

Okay, I’m not too heated on this subject.

Photo credit: Michael 1952, flickr.com

It seems to me that while Mother’s Day is akin to the Super Bowl, Father’s Day is more like a junior high scrimmage. If you’re skeptical, just look at the statistics. Last year Americans spent $5.2 billion more celebrating mom than dad. Money talks, right?

I’ve got no beef with Mother’s Day. Being a mom is a tough job. Mothers deserve their  “Hallmark holiday” replete with a family brunch and a non-household appliance gift. Expensive jewelry or a bouquet of a dozen red long-stemmed roses will do.  But, whatever you do, you’d better not forget mom on Mother’s Day. Even if she might otherwise excuse the oversight, as soon as her girlfriends ask her what she got for Mother’s Day, you’re in deep trouble.

Compare this to Father’s Day. According to Wikipedia (the source of all history these days), dads did not get their own day until 1972, some 58 years after Mother’s Day was enshrined. What’s the most noteworthy stat about Father’s Day? Historically, it’s been the busiest day of the year for collect calls.  In 2012, Father’s Day will likely set the record for the most text messages sent to dads from smartphone accounts paid for by dad.

In my view, dads get short shrift, while moms have been elevated to a status just below sainthood. In the interests of full disclosure, I never had any children, preferring to keep my lawyer nose to the grindstone. While some may view my childless status as a disqualifier, perhaps my non-mom hood gives me a unique ability to offer an objective perspective.

In the “Father Knows Best” era, the role expectations were clear. Dad was to bring home the bacon while mom was to raise three well-adjusted, adorable children. With the advent of “The Feminine Mystique,” traditional marital roles were upended. Mom was free to enter the workplace and dad rolled his sleeves up, cleaned toilets and ran the vacuum cleaner.

As a partner in a law firm for many years, I observed my male colleagues put in their 80-hour workweeks while trying to meet their wives’ expectations that they be home in time for dinner every night and turn down most, if not all, business trips.

It’s now understood that if son Jake is on the soccer team, dad is the team coach. When little Susie takes to the stage as the lead elf in the school play, dad must be in the audience. Is this work life balance?

Supporting kids is a very expensive proposition and, although many women now work outside the home, the primary burden of bringing home the paycheck typically falls on dad. My dad struggled valiantly to support five kids, including one born with severe brain damage. He became an expert at juggling dozens of credit cards and writing post-dated checks to cover the bills.

I’m sure many moms will take offense at my perspective. But consider this—dads are easy to please. All they really want on Father’s Day is to be excused from the honey-do list and be permitted to go to the golf course with their buddies where he can misbehave a little. Is that really too much to ask?

That’s the story we all know.  But there’s much more to it than that.  The middle class was not known for the type of reckless borrowing that created the sub-prime mess.  Investment banks had built decades of good-will on being reputable and stable.  What turned the status quo on its proverbial head?

Gary Rivlin wrote Broke, USA to tell the story of the growth of what he terms “Poverty, Inc.,” the big businesses that target the working poor with services like check cashing, payday loans, and rent-to-own.  But in the process, he reveals something much bigger: how the success of that industry gave rise to an insatiable greed in the financial sector, causing rational thinking to be cast aside even while the warning bells of the impending crisis were ringing loud and clear, yet unheeded.

Poverty, Inc. has honest roots. The working poor make just enough to get by most of the time, but when an unexpected expense pops up, they often are unprepared to handle it.  With limited options, the ability to get a payday loan can be a real life-saver.  That’s where the story begins: a few businessmen who provide a service to their neighbors.  It doesn’t take long, however, for the check cashers and payday loan men to recognize that there’s a lot of money to be made here, mostly because people easily get trapped in revolving debt.  Poverty, Inc., strikes it rich, earning huge sums by taking advantage of the working poor.  But that’s still early in the story.  Soon, corporate American begins to recognize the profits being made by these companies who cater to the lowest strata of our economic class system, and the little guys get bought up by well-known banks who have never even recognized the working poor as a market.  The real danger, however, comes into play when those corporations begin to recognize that it isn’t just the poor who can be trapped in revolving debt; they take the lessons and products developed by Poverty, Inc., to the next level, and all hell breaks loose.

Broke, USA serves as both a primer and an expose.  You’ll learn a fascinating history about the origins and growth of an industry.  You’ll also find yourself dumbfounded at the sheer temerity with which the big players in the financial world conducted themselves leading up to the collapse of 2008.  Rivlin has performed an invaluable service, illuminating important parts of a story that we, as a nation, think we know.

Beyond the contents of the book, Broke, USA raised some important questions for this reader: how do I, as a business person, see my clientele?  Am I engaging them on the basis of the Golden Rule, or am I manipulating the relationship to squeeze everything I can out of it?  On a grander scale, should corporations have moral requirements?  Is there a point where doing the right thing should trump making the most money?  While I work to stay true to a moral compass in my own dealings, we, as a society, need to be wrestling with the bigger questions.  How we decide that debate will determine, in large part, how long we have before the next 2008 appears.

A review copy of this book was provided by Harper Collins.  The opinions expressed are those of the reviewer alone.

Photo credit: waving at you, flickr.com

A dangerous game of political chicken is being played in our country with the debt ceiling, and it stands the chance of bringing the further downfall of the American Empire. I wouldn’t say that this “crisis” of the debt ceiling would be the major cause of this downfall, it is a symptom of a larger problem. I have often said that arrogance has led to the downfall of almost every empire throughout time, and what I see now when I turn on the news is arrogance and politicians who seem to be out of touch with many Americans. It is not my goal to make a political comment in this blog, as I don’t align myself with any political party, but to bring attention to the psychological games that are being played in our political system.

For As Long As the Sun Has Risen

Political conflicts have been happening for longer than humans could say “election”; however, in the past decade, it seems that our political parties decided that they were going to spend more time undermining each other than they were going to spend getting the job done that we pay them to do.  They have learned the art of the media machine and use that voice too often to spread misinformation and disinformation to evoke emotion and reactions in the voter base. When these actions lead to the death of others, as it did in Gabrielle Giffords, no responsibility is taken and fingers are pointed.

Many politicians “bank” on your blind allegiance to the “party line”, and they want you to fight their battles for them, especially on election days. Fear, mistrust, and manipulation are often the emotions that are played upon under this dubious shell game. And this has become very dangerous indeed, and we, as a country, stand the chance to negatively impact our lives and the lives of our children for years to come, because of their arrogance and selective ignorance. Trust has been compromised at the hand of greed and power grabbing. We all suffer when we can’t trust those who we elect, and according to most politicians, it is most other politicians who can’t be trusted.

One Term President??? How About Term-Limited Congressmen

This past week, John Boehner made a comment that “There was an elephant in the room” that no one was speaking about, and that was that Obama was going to have to focus on his re-election next year. True as the fact is, the most disturbing aspect of this comment was the look of arrogance that he displayed in making this comment. Furthermore, it seems through this and other events, that he, Mitch McConnell and their republican cronies are invested in destroying his re-election more than they want to work for the best interests of our country.  Don’t get me wrong, there are events of political manipulation that can be cited on each side of the aisle, this is merely recent and salient. It is clear that this game is about power, and it is at the expense of the American people.

What my biggest concern is that our political system has deteriorated to our focus on often electing the politician with the least amount of mud on them, rather than the best man for the job. It has been said that the best people for the job are too smart to put their hat in the ring, and many well-meaning individuals lose their moral compass on the road to Washington.

The Buck Stops Here

All of this has happened on our watch, and we are participating, blindly or actively. How do we fix this problem? I don’t know. The Tea Party was born out of good intentions, but even that has begun to be swallowed up by “the Game” that is played on Capitol Hill. After all, we know what the road to hell is paved with.

It is my hope that we resolve this issue of the debt ceiling before it is too late. What is already too late is that we have lost faith and trust in our political system, and it is lacking in honor, respect and integrity. If we are going to rise out of this, we have to set a higher bar in Washington than destroying our rivals and take personal responsibility for how those who represent us behave. As for integrity??? Structures that have no integrity crumble under pressure. What will also come tumbling down should our political system crumble, and what will be the ultimate cost?

I will leave you with this, Washington is not a school yard playground to settle scores and see whose got the biggest “feet.” The intentions of our forefathers were to create a center for our nation’s government with the ideal that intelligent, honorable, respectful men would meaningfully solve problems facing our Republic to benefit the greater good. We say we are the greatest country in the world… It is time to act like it.

If one is to pick their battles, I think this one is worth it.

In my opinion, they need to be upset. American children are given unprecedented amounts of resources, technology, information, and supplies to build absolute mansions of their lives in our communities.

Following the model, they lackadaisically proceed, unaware of how miraculous and unprecedented their gifts, and begin to build on foundations of not merely shifting sands, but on a sifting, heaving, suffocating desert dunes. America is drowning in the speed of its advancement by not valuing moral character embedded in that progress.

When the oxygen begins to run out quickly, prescribe the unruly child some pills.

Why address the parents? It appears to me they don’t have the first clue about what’s going on all around them.

My Opinion: Katy Perry is a creeper.

I had the misfortune of stumbling on the music video of Katy Perry’s “Firework” the other day. I think what got my attention was the flitting image of what appeared to be a teenage cancer patient combusting. My wife stopped for a minute and watched it too. “How old is she?” my wife asked. “She looks like she’s thirty. Is she a creeper?” I looked at all the teenagers sprinting all around her like electrons around a well-marketed MTV nucleus.

After a quick web search, I found out Perry is 26 years old and a portrait of insight and wisdom. She sings about being a hot California girl who will “melt your popsicle.” She unfurls brilliant lyrics including “You want to pet my kitty you dirty little doggy?” and “Ooh, my cookie monster wants a taste test. Be a big boy and I’ll show you the rest.”

In the “Firework” video she appears to walk through rioting teens that are in danger of third-degree burns from fireworks which get lodged in their pants and shirts. I guess this is some sort of attempt at inspirational metaphor.

Perry asks some deep philosophical questions about whether these teenagers ever feel like empty plastic bags. After all, a good option for a teenager to deal with domestic violence is to shove your father on your way to a rave where you can get really cheap Ecstasy. If you’re overweight, go ahead and strip down to your underwear and jump into a swimming pool full of other naked teenagers. If you’re confused about your sexuality go ahead and make out with a dude. If you’re a cancer patient in Stephen King’s hospital, stroll over to Labor and Delivery to see the beauty of life erupting from a screaming mother while you are apparently dying.

Then again, maybe I’m taking this too seriously. Perry sings: “After a hurricane comes a rainbow.” A rainbow which shines above carnage of destroyed infrastructure and bloated bodies. A rainbow of inclusion, tolerance, and epidemic levels of genital warts and herpes.

Oh yeah, evidently doing magic card tricks on the street is also really, really awesome somehow.

Perry wades through these situations as some sort of Greek siren. Confused teenagers with absentee parents have finally found the big sister they always wanted, luring them seductively toward shipwreck.

Then again, if she was not someone to look up to, she wouldn’t be famous right? Somehow this person sold over 7 million copies of her song “Teenage Dream.” Snoop Dog raps about Perry and her friends being “tone tan fit and ready.” If we aren’t sickened by this, then I’m pretty sure plagues are coming.

These Kids Didn’t Hit A Baseball Through My Window. These Kids Are Destroying Themselves.

I don’t mean to sound like a bitter old man. These kids didn’t hit a baseball through my window. They don’t have time for baseball when they’re practicing their killing skills playing World of Warcraft or Call of Duty on weeklong binges fueled by energy drinks.

I’m not the old muttering man in the dark, dangerous-looking house down the block. I’m the guy with kids of my own, and I am targeting an enemy of decency, order, and freedom in a culture war. Children are brutalizing each other with a stimulus addiction. Dad, if he is home or involved at all, remains unresponsive and frightening, embedded in couch cushions.

Going Berserk.

The critical mass levels of irrationality are creating a backlash. Who knew the rock star of the day would be the guy with a job who is actually faithful to his spouse? Who knew that toughness, reliability, and moral character would be both the most hated and wanted quality around? It’s hard to take your eyes off the shiny things when your seared conscience is buried in busy-ness.

America is generating a real preoccupation with people who go berserk. Active shooters on high school and college campuses are followed by candlelight vigils and religious musicians soothing communities with newly administered post-traumatic stress disorders. This level of going berserk horrifies America and yet these situations keep happening.

Less intense beserkitude becomes a giggly coping mechanism for the increasingly frustrated.

Videos of office workers snapping, thrashing photocopiers, launching their computer monitors across the desk, and knocking down cubicle walls like dominos are enjoyably emailed back and forth. That little chuckle you heard in the cubicle next to you which made the hair on your neck and back stand on end, that was your coworker.

Why do you think the television show “The Office” is so popular? Because our workforce is not filled with men. It is full of emasculated cowards who would rather exhaust themselves on the process of avoiding work than identifying a vocation which doesn’t merely edify yourself, but builds the community around you in the process with passion, intensity, innovation. Aren’t we, as men, as fathers, built to command respect? Not if we allow our own degradation. If we don’t stand up for ourselves, then our wives and children go next. If you aren’t doing anything about it, you deserve what you get.

Sorry there is no class in college which issues you this kind of knowledge. Daddy’s money can’t buy it. No infomercial can send it to you along with a free key chain if you order today. You have to think for yourself, turn off some of the white noise, and look around. You begin to be a genuine human being at that point.

Has America Completely Forgotten What It Means to Be Free?

America’s current concept of freedom finds itself in a domestic violence incident. Obese children threaten the lives of their parents who are afraid the kids will charge them with battery for disciplining them while teenagers barricade themselves in iPods and oxycontin, planning the next burglary to prevent getting junk-sick.

The smart kids go to college to get a degree in a field they can’t find a job in. The dumb kids get a minimum wage job until they get so frustrated they drown themselves in cheap excuses and Natural Light. The really dumb kids get masters degrees and are stunned with what they find when they get out there, in the heat. They find relief in an innocuous job in some corner of some organization where their poor decision making and mediocrity is tolerated enough by their subordinates to remain at the tolerable level of behind-the-back ridicule. Those bad apples, once frustrated enough, will leave. You can return to your office and continue moving this stack of policy papers from this portion of your desk to that.

There is no freedom in this. There is nothing that commands respect. There is nothing disciplined or admirable. There is only a vicious, monumental failure that treads the heels of cowardice. Self-knowledge, awareness, tenacity, and innovation are American. These reject weakness. These reject cowardice. It fiercely contests disconnection, irrationality, and failure. It becomes honest in the face of a thousand psychologists who threaten the core of reason. To survive a short range ambush, the only way you survive is to assault through it.

Men Make Jokes When They Could Make History

When men discover they will be the father of a daughter, they make jokes about cleaning their gun in the living room when the boys come calling.

If they truly desire the protection of their children, they would turn the TV off, disconnect the cell phones, and take their children through rain-dripping forests, through the paths of wild animals, through the crops that lean in the waves of wind, through the bindings of brilliant books, through technology bowing to the human as one of his most effective tools, through prayer, through discipline, through each other’s language both spoken and unspoken as they puzzle through senseless streets and piece together meaning and whole love.

These men would revolutionize education. They would revitalize marriage. They would nod at one another as they pass, and support each other in their suffering as they strive toward a secure and flourishing future. Their daughters, secure and powerful, would find themselves trodding on serpents and wading through an unparalleled glory.

I was just reading about the new Grand Caravan R/T you’re unveiling today. You call it the “Man Van”, inferring that minivans are in fact for chicks. That’s retarded.

Historically, manliness was measured in strength, combat ability and virility. Having a lot of kids is manly. Based on that alone, a minivan- designed to haul kids around- is manly. Assuming it’s for moms only is 1950s thinking. You know, when women stayed at home, in the kitchen. Today, women work and don’t loiter around the house waiting for the call to jump in the minivan and go. Minivans are for families. Not just chicks.

“Is it possible to make the minivan appeal to a guy who needs the minivan but who used to have the sports car?” Ralph Gilles, your head designer recently pondered.

Ralph, real men don’t need sports cars. Sports cars are for those men with insecurities, or who want to be able to get to the drug store faster when their Viagra runs out. Real men are concerned with power, not speed. Power to pull their boats around. To haul lumber or tools. Real, single men favor trucks with four wheel-drive. Then they become dads, and most states make it illegal to put the kids in the bed of the truck. Minivans and SUVs become a necessity. Not fast cars.
But, for argument’s sake, let’s assume minivans are feminine. How do you propose manning them up? Upgraded interiors and a new engine? Black interior with red stitching? Performance-tuned suspension and a massive sound system with a 506-watt amp?

Let’s start with that sound system. What a fabulous idea to put a chest-thumping rig in the van, where your small children are going to be riding. Kids already have a problem listening to their parents. Thank you, Chrysler, for adding to the problem by making them deaf.

Performance-tuned suspension? What a great idea! Now we can drive recklessly with our kids on board. Sure, sure, we’ll maintain control of the man-van, but at the increased speeds we’re very likely to crash into other drivers who don’t expect a van to handle like that and get in their way.

A new engine? What kind of new engine? A namby-pamby multi-fuel, green engine? Not very manly. How about a 5.0 Liter V-8 that doesn’t give a shit about fuel economy? That is mil-spec multi-fuel, able to run on any flammable liquid, like the venerable M35 2 1/2 truck?

Upgraded interiors? I notice you also have a fake hood scoop in the promo pics. What’s next? Racing Stripes? Slapping cosmetic features on a car doesn’t make it manlier. Even those fake, trailer-hitch testicles you see on so many trucks doesn’t make them macho-er. .

You want to truly make a “man van”? Start by bringing back AWD to the Grand Caravan. And add an extra 6″ of ground clearance, and oversized tires, so men can drive the family off road on camping trips. Put on a front crash bumper and light brush guard covers, so when we are whipping through the underbrush, damage is minimal. Put on a full sized spare tire, and bring back the roof rack, but make it sturdy enough to hold a couple of deer carcasses, or for us to stand on to shoot at aforementioned deer. Front and rear winches for pulling the wife’s sissy-van out of the snow. Diamond plate floor board for the driver- because when we take our van off-road we’re going to get mud and snow on our boots. A second fuel tank, so we can make those treks into the wilderness where there are no gas stations, and make it back. Carbon fiber seat backs on the Stow N Go seats, so when we fold them flat we can throw lumber, tools, etc. in without worrying about damaging the interior. Full-sized (as opposed to kid-sized) rear seats so I can haul my buddies to wrasslin’, football and other manly events.

Basically, you need to make the “Dodge” on the front of the man-van not be the maker’s name, but a warning to anyone foolish enough to step out in front of it.

That’s how you make a man-van. Not that you guys would know. You and your designers probably all drive luxo-barges or pocket racers. You wouldn’t know function if it bit you on your girly asses. You want to design a man-van? Get some real dads involved. Make something that even Mike Rowe wouldn’t dare compare to his beloved Ford pickups.

I recently bought a 2005 Grand Caravan. I chose it over an SUV not because I’m some emasculated sissy, but because it had room for the kids and the home improvement supplies I regularly buy. A truck couldn’t do the job my Grand Caravan does. An SUV would spend way too much fuel, and lack the sheer volume of internal space. Yes, I miss the truck and SUV’s off-road capabilities, but it’s a sacrifice I was willing to make for my kids.

Still think your man-van is so good? Prove me wrong- let me get my hands on one for one week of normal dad life. I’ll put it through it’s paces and show you just how ignorant your design is. Then you can go back to the drawing board and make something that is truly worthy of the name DODGE.

One of the criticism often voiced of Barack Obama is that he is not proud of his own country.  That conclusion, reached primarily (though not exclusively) because of a lack of pro-America content in his public expressions, may be unfair.  After all, the lack of an expression of pride in American is not the same as a denial of that same pride.  Indeed, many (perhaps most) politicians hide behind overt expressions of patriotism rather than deal with the real issues of the day.  At the same time, Americans want to be proud of their country, and there is a certain expectation that the Commander-in-Chief will also be the Cheerleader-in-Chief.  This does not require constant expressions of patriotism, nor does it require dishonesty.  What it does require is a willingness to stand up and say, in a way that few others have the position or influence to do, that America will continue to be the standard-bearer for the ideals on which she was founded and for which her people have died.

The rallying cry of the 2008 campaign was, “Yes we can!”  It was an anthem for those who felt they had been abandoned by their government, a uniting force for those who were reasserting their influence in the political process.  For those people, the ardent supporters of Barack Obama’s run for the presidency, it was patriotic.  But it was not a unifying message for the entire country.  Mr. Obama’s campaign rhetoric did not need flag-waving; after all, that was what Republicans and hawkish Democrats did.  His people were wary of such expressions.  Once the election was over, the tenor of the political conversation in America remained essentially unchanged.  The party in power stuck with what had worked for the election, while the Republicans, always comfortable draped in the flag, had a near monopoly on traditional patriotic expression.

The times, however, were not in the Democrats favor.  In the face of continued economic downturn and stiff challenges abroad, the mood in the country was, to put it lightly, glum.  The American dream was proclaimed dead in one opinion piece after another.  But this was not the natural state of things.  Underneath all of the layers of American culture is a constant current, a drumbeat that this country is always moving upward, able to surmount any challenge.  Americans know this, not in a cognitive sense, perhaps, but it is the norm that they expect.  Increasingly, Americans became weary of doom and gloom and, most of all, of feeling un-American.

And so the sitting president found himself in a peculiar position.  His own lack of patriotic expression put him on the wrong side of the fence, allied with the depressing and, ironically, hopeless times.  His approval ratings dropped.  Moreover, his country was in desperate need of the clarion call that many presidents before had sounded, the message that would lift their spirits, restore hope, and embolden them to action.  It was message that he, by way of his own style, was ill-equipped to deliver. His ratings dropped.

The resurrection of such a presidency cannot come easily.  Nor can it come on the back of disingenuous expressions.  Fate, however, was kind to Barack Obama.  In the tragedy of the shooting in Arizona, he was provided with an opportunity to bring a change to his own rhetoric.  The occasion called for a reassuring, uniting message.  He could introduce a pronounced patriotism to his remarks and there would no need to question his motives.  In this year’s state of the union address, the president delivered.

The new Barack Obama, sporting a flag pin on his lapel, waved the flag all over the chamber of the House of Representatives.  He reached back to the country’s roots, citing principles established in the Constitution.  He recounted our victories over challenges in the 20th century.  He stated clearly — and proudly — a number of areas where America continues to lead the world, despite our battered economy.  He declared the American dream alive and well.  And he called Americans to rise to the occasion and tackle the challenges of the future.

It was inspiring and, more importantly, refreshing.  And Mr. Obama delivered the message convincingly, with genuine charisma.  Were this Bill Clinton, I would be tempted to say it was all a show.  But this is not the Clinton era.  Mr. Obama, for whatever faults he may have, is not an disingenuous person.  He is a person of principle.  His message tonight rang true.  But is this revelation of patriotism something that will last?  And is it too late?

You may call me naive, but I believe that the words spoken in the state of the union were the words of a changed man.  Whether it was the tragedy in Arizona, or the compounding negativity of a nation adrift in economic downturn, or both, or even something else, Barack Obama has recognized the call and risen to the occasion himself.  He has unearthed his own patriotism and found reason to proclaim it proudly.  It will last.

Is it too late?  That question remains to be answered.  Two years into his term and barely a year away from the start of the next election cycle, he has a lot of ground to cover.  A consistent presence of a genuine and encouraging pro-America message will go a long way, but he will also need to demonstrate that he can compromise, work across the aisle, and bring his own party along for the ride.  That’s a tall order, and it could be short-circuited by both Republicans and Democrats on Capitol Hill.  If he can continue to convincingly communicate a pro-America message directly to the people of the country, however, he can get them on his side.  If he does that, Barack Obama can do big things.

I remember, during my single days, having a friend who was chronically late whenever we’d meet for a dinner and movie get-together.  I’d arrive on time and he’d just saunter in 20-30 minutes late with hardly an apology.  I think everyone has a friend like that who gets away with it because of his or her incredibly charming personality and charisma.  That was the case with “Barry.”  Barry charmed all his friends and all his friends just accepted this “quirk” of his.

Not me.  I didn’t want to lose his friendship but I came up with a solution that he readily accepted and made me feel that my time was honored and respected, as a result.  We agreed that whoever came second, if it was more than 10 minutes after the scheduled meeting time, would pick up the tab.  Voila!  I got there on time, brought reading with me (way before laptops and “smart” phones), relaxed, and when Barry showed up late, I greeted him with an enthusiastic “Hello” and proceeded to order Lobster!  Win-Win.

That story is true and “Barry” is still late.  He’s also extremely generous to all his friends, still has that amazing charm, and all his friends still put up with this poor trait of his.  But, my idea is not the solution or the answer to the prevailing nature of this minor epidemic of manners in our world today.

Do parents model punctuality for their kids?  Do parents teach their kids to be on time and explain why it matters?  I think less and less so, because parents are so harried in their lives that they’re often the late ones and, rather than be hypocritical, they let it slide.  Thus they’ve begun to slip down that proverbial slippery slope.

With the friends of my kids, there truly seems to be no sense of commitment when they make plans together.  I often react in a totally puzzled manner when my older son tells me his plans with friends have changed for no apparent reason.  I ask why and he glosses over it with a “that’s the way it is with my friends” casual response.  For the most part, he isn’t all that upset when he ends with no plans on a weekend evening due to the flakiness of a friend or two.

I don’t get it.  What am I missing?  Even with formal events such as weddings, Bar or Bat Mitzvahs, and other such occasions that include “formal” invitations with RSVP envelopes, I’ve found the current trend to be much more lax than in the past.  People will call; after they’ve RSVP’d, and either cancel for a relatively “lame” reason or casually ask if they can bring a visiting friend or kid who was not on the invitation in the first place?

And, this is done with no sense of its inappropriate nature.  That is what puzzles me the most.  Were my peers not raised with similar manners and mores as I was or my wife, as she is totally appropriate when it comes to this sort of affair?

I don’t have an answer, but I have some guesses and suspicions why this has developed in recent times.  It starts with the fact that we hear and see so many stories about “celebrities” or “public figures” perpetuating a crime or social faux pas and paying little or no price for it.   In some cases, as with the notorious and suspicious release of sexual interludes on video, it even creates more fame and attention for the celebrity at the same time they’re claiming to be horrified at the dissemination of the video or photos in the first place.

Politicians get caught fudging the facts constantly, to be kind, and rarely seem to pay the price.  Sports stars and actors sometimes seem to literally get away with murder!

So, why should we make a special effort to be on time?  If “they” can get away with these egregious things, maybe our own little gaffes mean nothing?  A theory. Perhaps, it’s one of the reasons our public sense of manners has deteriorated so much and being on time seems to have gone the way of the 8-track tape.

But, as with so many of these changes, I don’t approve, or accept this sort of behavior from my kids.  I definitely model punctuality.  When my kids get an invitation, we RSVP right away if they can and want to go.  If they have plans with a friend, and something better comes along, I don’t let them slip out of their original commitment.  It all starts with us, so let’s all hold the line on “being on time” and following more of the “P’s” and “Q’s” most of us were raised with!

Image by Beverly & Pack

Patriotism. It’s a thornier word than it used to be. To some, it conjures visions of flag-waving and parades. To many others, though, “patriotism” feels uncomfortably close to arrogance and intolerance—even xenophobia and bigotry. Yes, in the push for political correctness, we’ve somehow gotten the idea that we can’t be proud of our own country without offending other cultures—or without becoming cogs in an increasingly soulless governmental machine. However, say David and Andrea Reiser, neither is true.

“Whether you’re left, right, or center on the political spectrum—whether you’re a first or tenth generation American—being proud of our country is a good thing,” says David Reiser, co-author along with his wife Andrea of the new book Letters From Home: A Wake-up Call for Success & Wealth.

Patriotism, they explain, isn’t about putting others down or devaluing other cultures. Nor is it about blind, unquestioning devotion to a government or flag. It’s about loving the United States, being proud of its achievements, being grateful for the sacrifices of those who have gone before, and—especially—about caring enough to take a hand in shaping its future.

David and Andrea Reiser feel very strongly about this formula for patriotism. In fact, it’s one of the biggest reasons they wrote Letters From Home, which explores 15 basic American virtues that built our country and that foster individual success. The authors want to shift our culture back to one that embraces the principles that made the United States great—back to an American Dream that places service and community ahead of entitlement and self.

“To make sure America continues to be all it can be, we have to find the seeds of greatness inside us, one person at a time, and start a true grassroots movement to return our country to its core values,” says Andrea. “We have to realize that loving America means working hard to make it better and stronger—not just turning our eyes to the flag at the beginning of baseball games.”

No, America isn’t perfect. But instead of focusing on its hang-ups and failings, why not take some time to remember why it’s also great…why it has been and still is “the land of the free and the home of the brave”?  To that end, the Reisers have suggest they following things you can do  in your everyday life to put a positive face on being patriotic:

Realize that patriotism doesn’t mean blind acceptance…

Guess what? To be a patriot, you don’t have to endorse every decision that comes out of Washington or agree with every law that’s on the books. That’s the beauty of living here: you have the right to disagree. There’s room for discussion. There’s a place for individual thought. (Just ask the Founding Fathers!)

“I firmly believe that America has grown to be the great country it currently is because throughout its history its citizens have possessed the right to disagree, to express dissent, and to call leaders on the carpet,” David states. “Think about great reformers like Susan B. Anthony and Martin Luther King, Jr., for example. History sure would have been different if they’d kept their mouths shut!”

…but it doesn’t mean sitting back, either.

If you think about it, being proud of one’s country should give you the motivation to help shape its future. So get involved. Stay informed about what’s happening here and abroad. Write your congressman. Attend city council meetings. After all, America’s heritage was built by men and women who did something about it.

“America is a nation for the people and by the people…not by the elected few,” Andrea points out. “Yes, as voters we put men and women in office from the local level to the national level—but at the end of the day, they hold the seats they do because they’re supposed to be supporting our interests. If you’re not happy with a bill or law or statute or vote, speak up! Tell your city councilman, state governor, or senator what you think.”

Reinforce at home what your kids learn in school.

No matter where your kids go to school, it’s a given that they’re receiving some sort of civic education. They’re learning about the Founding Fathers, the Pledge of Allegiance, the Bill of Rights, and more. To make sure that these subjects really sink in, take a few minutes to discuss them at home. Share, for example, what having the right to vote means to you. After all, how your kids feel about their country today will impact how they shape it tomorrow.

“Don’t be afraid to get creative when discussing civics and patriotism with your children,” David suggests. “For example, The New York Times prints a full-page copy of the Declaration of Independence on July Fourth each year. We tear it out and hang it in the kitchen for everyone to see and explore. I’ve also seen placemats with the U.S. Presidents on them that kids love, as well as kid-friendly civics games at education stores.”

Observe patriotic etiquette.

Much like saying “please” and “thank you” to others, observing patriotic etiquette is a way to show respect and deference to the nation in which we live. No one’s going to throw you out of a sporting event if you don’t remove your hat and place your hand over your heart during the national anthem—but doing so certainly fosters a sense of gratitude and reverence among those present, and also creates a sense of identity and pride in America.

“Familiarize yourself with proper patriotic etiquette—including flag etiquette—and encourage the whole family to follow it,” Andrea advises. “In addition to showing proper respect to our country, you’ll spark those important ‘why’ conversations with your kids.”

Start a positive conversation at the water cooler.

Instead of complaining about this politician, that law, or the government’s supposed failure, pick a positive news story to share. Yes, there’s plenty wrong with America. There’s also plenty right.

“Don’t assume that these positive stories have to be spangled with metaphorical red, white, and blue stars—although they certainly can be,” David points out. “It’s very effective to simply state, ‘I’m proud to be that woman’s countryman,’ or, ‘Company X is really a wonderful example of how American small businesses can impact communities.’ For some initial inspiration, just flip through the pages of Letters From Home—each chapter includes the stories of real Americans who exemplify the virtues my wife and I talk about.”

Push for solutions when you hear complaints.

Even if you live under a rock, you’ve probably heard someone complaining about politics, policies, or politicians recently. (After all, there are entire TV shows seemingly devoted to just that!) Maybe you’ve even joined the finger-pointing festivities yourself. Keep in mind that it’s easy to gripe—but that griping also gets you nowhere. It’s much more difficult to offer solutions—however, that’s exactly what you should strive to do.

“Whenever the government-bashing begins, don’t try to squelch it—but do push for ideas and constructive dialogue,”,” Andre Andrea says. “Often, complaints can serve as a great springboard for constructive conversation. Ask your fellow conversationalists what they think should be done to improve or rectify things. If your ideas become sufficiently well-developed, pass them on to an elected representative or write a letter to the editor of your local paper. Whatever you do, don’t keep potentially viable solutions to yourself!”

Keep a civil tone when you express your opinions.

In other words, don’t be such a hothead that other people feel uncomfortable having a conversation with you! Remember that your opinion isn’t the only one, and that you’ll be much more effective if you can disagree agreeably.

“Put bluntly, fire-and-brimstone patriotism turns off as many people as it fires up,” reminds David. “If you’re extremely vehement, condemnatory, or excitable, your message will probably get lost in the delivery. So use the term ‘patriotism’ judiciously, and keep it civil.”

Make a difference…vote!

Voting really is a privilege, so treat it as one! Challenge yourself to be an informed voter by becoming familiar with the issues at hand and with the platforms of individual politicians. Think about it this way: if you don’t take the time to thoughtfully cast your vote, it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to complain about what your elected officials do or don’t do.

“When elections roll around, don’t just zip in and out of the voting center if you can help it. Try to make going to the polls an event for the entire family,” suggests Andrea. “Take your kids with you when you vote, and teach them that what you’re doing is an important part of being an American citizen. Explain to them how fortunate we are to live in a country where we get to select our leaders. And if they’re old enough, ask them who they’d vote for, and why.”

Remember—and remind others—why you’re off work.

You can’t flip too far through the calendar without hitting a national holiday. Next time Memorial Day, Independence Day, Veterans’ Day, President’s Day, etc. rolls around, brush up on that holiday’s history and meaning. Then share what you’ve learned with your kids and co-workers. Better yet, get involved in planning a local celebration, parade, etc.

“Federal holidays have all been designated as such for a reason,” David reflects. “They honor specific individuals, groups, ideas, and events that have been crucial in America’s development and history. Yeah, staying home from work or taking advantage of celebrations and special events is nice—but keep in mind that those things aren’t the main point.”

Take a historical vacation (or staycation).

Reminding everyone in your family how America got to where it is today isn’t just a valuable educational opportunity. It’s also a way to drive home lessons—positive and negative—that can still be applied today. Depending on how much time and money you’ve got to work with, you could take a quick field trip to your county’s history museum…or mount an expedition to Colonial Williamsburg, the Gettysburg battlefield, or the beaches of Normandy, just to name a few.

“Our four sons have really enjoyed the historical trips we’ve taken—and they’ve learned quite a bit, too,” Andrea shares. “Our family trip to Washington, D.C. stands out especially. It’s our nation’s capital and center of government, and it contains so many fascinating memorials and museums. David and I really believe that it should be a required field trip for all citizens, regardless of age.”

Do your part on the home front.

No, people aren’t growing Victory Gardens, digging bomb shelters, or following the progress of the draft—but America is still at war. Thousands of servicemen and women are serving far from home—and they could use your encouragement. Put together a care package for a deployed soldier, thank a veteran, or ask a military family how you can help out while Mom or Dad is overseas.

“We really can’t extend enough gratitude to the members of our armed forces and their families,” David states. “While we’re enjoying our homes, our comfy beds, our favorite restaurants, and more, thousands of military men and women are voluntarily going without what most of us would consider to be ‘the basics’—all in service of our country. And that’s not even taking into account the sacrifices their families are making while they’re gone!

“If you want to do something to support our military communities, organizations like the Department of Veterans Affairs, The American Legion, and the American Red Cross all offer opportunities to get involved. In addition, a quick web search will turn up multitudes of organizations that provide everything from care packages to quilts to cups of coffee to pen pals to soldiers. Before donating your money or time to any organization, though, do your homework to make sure it’s legitimate.”

“Yeah, flags look nice waving in the breeze, and parades are exciting—but those things aren’t the be-all and end-all of patriotism,” David Reiser concludes. “Patriotism is about infusing our daily lives with activities and ideas that give meaning to the red, white, and blue. Patriotism, like the United States itself, is something that should be defined and perpetuated by We the People.”

Adds Andrea, “Let’s stop being shy about showing our love for America. Let’s start loving America because we remember its history—and because we’re actively shaping its present and future.”

David and Andrea Reiser hail from Amagansett, NY.  Parents of four boys, they also somehow find time to be authors. In their “free time,” David enjoys fine dining, Broadway theatre, and bodysurfing, while Andrea’s interests include cooking, live music, fine dining, interior decorating, nonfiction reading, digital photography, blogging, musical theater, and root-root-rooting for the Boston Red Sox. In addition, she’s on a never-ending quest to create the world’s yummiest chocolate chip cookie.