More than 5 million American businesses earn less than $5 million annually in gross revenues. These businesses account for more than 40 percent of the Gross National Product, yet they have largely been ignored in federal government’s stimulus and financial reform efforts.

How are today’s businesses to survive and thrive at a time when the economy remains shaky at best and growth continues to stagnate? The answer is Conscious Business Development, also known as Triple Bottom-line (3BL) or Conscious Capitalism.

Conscious business is defined by Wikipedia as “expanding the traditional business framework to take into account ecological and social performance in addition to financial performance.” This is a new way of doing business that is good for people, profits and the planet. It’s about building wealth, in the sense, whole wealth – something that you’re deeply passionate about, you care about, that you want to do the rest of your life.

As a veteran entrepreneur of 25 years, I’ve witnessed a shift happening in small business today. People are realizing that they can actually make money doing what they love, doing it with integrity, and creating a life they love. And it is not just a feel good fad. The Conscious Capitalism Institute (CCI) has found that businesses that adopt this model outperform the S&P 500 long term.

This movement is emerging at a critical moment when untold numbers of workers are starting their own businesses after losing corporate jobs during the recession. Supporting the success of these new entrepreneurs is critical given the findings of a new study by The Kauffman Foundation titled “The Importance of Startups in Job Creation and Job Destruction” (http://www.kauffman.org/uploadedFiles/firm_formation_importance_of_startups.pdf). It found that startups are responsible for virtually all growth in the U.S. economy over the past three decades.

So how can business owners tell if they are aligned with the conscious business model? Here are a few guideposts.

1. Stakeholders – How decisions are made is critical. When making critical business decisions do you choose the cheapest route or highest short term ROI? Or do you engage with your customers, vendors, employees and investors to make a decision that serves them all the best you can?
2. Impact – A conscious business helps to solve a need/problem for a customer. A positive impact is not limited to charitable contributions or social entrepreneurship. Do you and your stakeholders support causes that are larger than your products or services?
3. Connection – Is there separation in the way you behave in your business versus in your life?

Being 100 percent aligned with your business and how it behaves is the true measure of a conscious business, walking the talk always in your life, in business and in public.

Image credit: David Foster

EDITOR’S NOTE: Correction made to the link to the study from the Kauffman Foundation, 29 July 2010.

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Quickly! Who do you think has faster rising numbers of work life balance dissatisfaction—men or women?

Well, if the research from Jeremy Adam Smith’s terrific book, The Daddy Shift, can be trusted (and I know it can), men represent the fastest growing demographic of those who feel work life and family life are out of whack.

How could that be?  I think there are two basic reasons.

Number one: lack of work life balance couldn’t get worse for women.  You could argue that working women have never really known work life balance. When women entered the work force en masse several generations ago they were still expected to keep things running on the home front.  “You want to work?” asked many a Ward Cleaver. “Go ahead. But I still expect my shirts to be pressed, dinner on the table and the Beaver to have his cookies and milk.”

Number two: Ward Cleaver is dead.  Though Ward was actually a fairly caring soul, he’s nothing compared to today’s father.  Most men today want to be more involved with their children than ever before.  They crave time with their kids, whereas Ward was content with a fatherly lecture from behind the newspaper.  Herein lies the challenge for many men as they seek work life balance.

While we can intellectually condemn antiquated restrictions on gender roles, the truth remains: men are expected to be financial providers.   From pop culture, to the work place, to social policy—men are still groomed to believe we are ultimately measured by the thickness of our wallet.  As much as dad longs to be at the Little League game or the piano recital, he is still conditioned that he is of most use to his family at the office.  As one therapist describes it, “If we are going to acknowledge that we still depict women as sex objects, we have to be aware that we portray men as success objects.”

Even couples who think they have evolved beyond traditional gender roles can still be slaves to them.  A young couple with a baby, for example, might be philosophically opposed to daycare and choose to have one parent stay at home.  However, with women generally earning seventy-five cents for every dollar a man earns, that decision is most likely made for them. The end result for the overwhelming majority in the above scenario is mom stays home and dad goes to work.    It would take a lot of courage, regardless of gender, for a family to have the bigger wage earner at home and the lower money maker financially supporting the family.

Of course there are marvelous examples of the opposite as witnessed by the growing number of at home dads (though I would wager that the moms were out-earning the dads in most of those scenarios) and they should be celebrated.  Likewise, we shouldn’t condemn ourselves or previous generations of men for financially providing.  We can take great pride in what sacrifices men have made to keep the family afloat. But we do need to acknowledge that those outdated, traditional gender lines may have faded but they still exist — for both men and women.

Ironically, many men don’t even recognize the profundity of these forces.  We just know we are putting in long hours away from our families.  Many of us just feel that is our lot in life.  That’s what dads do, right?

Not unlike step-one of the twelve step program, if you are having work life balance issues, you need to acknowledge the problem.  You have to be aware of what you are fighting if you want to improve things.   The point here isn’t to place blame or exonerate you from taking responsibility for your life.  Nor is it to start a futile battle of the sexes and whine that men have it tougher than women.   The point is to acknowledge that society’s depiction of what dads are supposed to do could be a significant reason why your work life and your home life are out of balance.

In the coming weeks, I will address what I see as other unique challenges faced by men trying to achieve some level of work life balance.   Work life balance isn’t simply about working less—it encompasses a myriad of issues, including your relationship with your partner, your children, your job and yourself.

Image credit: Simply CVR

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Bye-bye, Aughts — don’t let the door hit you in the ’00s on your way out.

True, there were all those years of economic euphoria. Only thing is — like that classic sitcom Seinfeld — they were based on nothing. As a result, the United States is stumbling into the Tweens with a full-on nasty hangover known as high unemployment.

Still, there’s no need to let dismal job numbers deter you from pursuing your career goal — whatever it may be. Whether you’re entering the new decade unemployed, underemployed or unhappily employed, you’ll need to tailor your game plan to succeed in the new year’s uncertain economic climate. Here’s how.

Goal: Identify Your Target

Plan of Action:

Stay focused.  If you’re just entering the work force for the first time or are without a job due to forces beyond your control, target the field you want to be in — with laser precision — to make the hunting simpler (and your prospects brighter).

“By casting too wide a net, job seekers waste time applying to positions for which they are not perfectly suited,” says Sophie Beaurpere, director of communications for the online job-search aggregator Indeed. Instead, she recommends that would-be applicants make Web technology work for them, with methods such as Indeed’s Job Trends tool (which allows users to chart the growth/decline of various fields over time) and job opening e-mail alerts. “These means help seekers stay informed about the newest postings and also track changes in their target field,” she says.

And you’ll want to do that right now: January is a very popular time for job searches. “It’s always the highest traffic month of the year,” says Susan Joyce, editor and publisher of the Job-Hunt Web site. “It’s as if everyone has made a New Year’s resolution to find a new job, and as soon as most of the bowl games are over, they jump into the job market.”

The downside of a winter search: loads of competition. But Joyce says this traditionally dies down by April.

Goal: Ditch a Dying Industry

Plan of Action:

Maybe the hallway between you and that new corner office seems to get longer by the day. Maybe job security in your industry gets more precarious by the minute (you know who you are, newspaper reporters, bank tellers and Saab dealers!). Whatever the reason, when your vocation situation calls for you to go in a different direction, you’ll want to make a choice that will serve you for more than a few years. So, which careers are looking good in 2010 and beyond?

Roger Moncarz, the Division of Occupational Outlook branch chief in the Bureau of Labor Statistics’ Employment Projections Program, reveals that the occupations expected to enjoy the greatest growth percentage during the period from 2008 to 2018 are (in descending order):

• Biomedical engineers
• Network systems and data communications analysts
• Home health aides
• Personal and home care aides
• Financial examiners

Moncarz notes, though, that fastest growing doesn’t always mean careers with the most opportunity. For example, although the biomedical engineer sector is expected to increase at a rate of 72 percent, that adds up to only 28,000 jobs by 2018. So it’s important to look at gross growth, too. Using that metric, the profession most worth pursuing would be registered nursing: it’s projected that there will be 3,200,000 new positions by 2018.

Of course, there are many professions you’d best avoid if you want to have a job in 2018. Included on that list: sewing machine operators (shocker), telemarketers (woo-hoo!) and door-to-door salesmen (ditto!).

Goal: Leave Your Job

Plan of Action:

You’d love to unshackle yourself from your current desk and look for a nicer ball and chain elsewhere (perhaps one made of white gold). But you’re wondering if now — considering the economy — would be a good time.

Ask yourself these questions: Am I in a decent job? Does it feel relatively secure? Is my gut telling me that now would be a bad time to shake things up?

Then trust your gut … especially if it is telling you to be cautious.

According to Joyce, “There are more unemployed people per open job.” That also means the current economic climate isn’t especially conducive to pursuing a job in a new industry. Indeed, according to October 2009 data from the Bureau of Labor Statistics, there are 15,700,000 unemployed individuals actively seeking work, and only 2.5 million job openings. In other words: there are about six people per job opening. (And that’s not counting employed or underemployed workers who may also be looking for work.)

And if you’re actually considering going one step further — leaving your entire career — keep this in mind: “I don’t know many people who have switched careers during a recession,” says Joyce.

Goal: Captain Your Own Ship

Plan of Action:

While, as Joyce says, the economic downturn may not be the most fertile of environments to grow a new career, she notes, “I do know several people who have started businesses [during recessions].”

Hanging your shingle as a consultant, particularly if you can lure your former employer — or your former employer’s competitor — to become a client can be especially lucrative. Keep in mind, encourages Joyce, that “consulting gigs do sometimes turn into full-time jobs when the economy begins to recover.”

Of course, taking a job like that would go counter to the whole “captain your own ship” initiative. But then … it’s good to have options!

Goal: Plan Your Career Long-term

Plan of Action:

The short-term take-away is that opportunities do exist in our new economic reality. And how about after that?

The key is to plot where you’d like to be over the next decade and to examine how your skills fit those goals. From there, research the job outlook in that industry. Arming yourself with information is the best way to begin that process.

For a top-notch resource on career paths, check out the Bureau of Labor Statistics’ just-released Occupational Outlook Handbook (available online). You can also watch the experts weigh in on where job growth will be thanks to the multitude of downloadable videos shot at the White House’s December 2009 Forum on Jobs (check it out at Whitehouse Web site).

Thomas P. Farley — career writer for Men’s Life Today — is also an etiquette and lifestyle expert and the editor of Modern Manners: The Thinking Person’s Guide to Social Graces.

Image credit: dreamguy

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Sometimes, the office can be as treacherous to navigate as the prison yard at San Quentin. You may not wind up with a shank in your side, but there’s a better-than-even chance somebody wants to stab you in the back and use your stinkin’ carcass as a stepping stone for their own advancement.

Office predators are constantly looking for fresh prey to steal credit from, or dump on to cover their own crappy work or simply thin out the herd so they can stand out in a smaller crowd.

Face it, kids: It’s a jungle in there. And short of carrying an elephant gun in your computer case — which we’re sure is illegal in at least two states — we’ve got some strategic advice to help you identify office enemies.

Establish Attack Patterns
When you’re dropped in-country on your first day of the job, it’s always smart to start with a fact-finding mission. Figure out who’s armed and who’s dangerous by debriefing office veterans. There’s no use spraying ammo — unless you know where to aim.

“When you join any company, there is real benefit to identifying the culture,” says Roy Cohen, a former placement counselor for Goldman Sachs and a career coach for the Five O’Clock Club, a professional counseling network. “Ask for full scouting reports about who you can rely on and who to be wary of. But do it in a way that makes it seem like you want to find the best method to work with everybody. You may get surface-y answers at first, but people tend to send signals about people that may indicate where you should place your trust.”

Don’t Play Your Cards Until They Play Theirs
You can ask for advice and talk to people to fit into the office environment, but never share secrets with your co-workers until you’re sure you can trust them. “It’s always best to do substantial research on your colleagues before you reveal too much about yourself,” says Cohen. “If you see them use information against other colleagues, you’ll know not to take them into your circle of trust.”

Make Allies in the Trenches
Sure, it helps to have the boss on your side, but you’ll find your most effective recon outside the executive offices. Secretaries, assistants, even the cleaning staff see how people really act — and they know where their bodies are buried.

“It’s good to get to know everyone in the office environment,” says Cohen. “People below the management level often have a good perspective on everyone’s true behavior and habits. They’re exposed to people as they really are and can give you good insights into who to trust and who to look out for.”

If There’s Smoke … Let Your Co-workers Help You Find the Fire
Keep your ears open for any bad news that might surface about you. If somebody’s cooking up foul rumors, “ask your co-workers where they heard these rumors, then go to that person directly — as quickly as possible,” says Holly Green, CEO and managing director of The Human Factor, a management consulting firm. Tell the cook you’d like to help him whip up a better batch with more accurate information.

Green points out that letting rumors run wild is like leaving a fire unattended. Put your enemy at ease by letting them know you’ve come armed with the best intentions. Green suggests saying something like, “I am assuming you had good intentions, but can you help me understand why you said XXX? In the future, if you have any questions about me or something I did, please let me know. I really want to work effectively with you, and that would help a lot.”

Stay Focused on Finger Pointers
Fingers are often loaded … and will eventually point at you! If there’s someone in the office who’s the Babe Ruth of the blame game, get on their team ASAP. “If you see someone deflecting responsibility from themselves by blaming other people, disable their digits by offering to help them solve the problem early in the game,” says Cohen. “Offer to assist them in finding a solution without engaging in a blame game. This will prove you’re task-oriented and someone they can rely on — plus you’ll build political equity in the office.” Bottom line: You’ve just slipped into a finger-proof vest!

Make Sure You’re Really in the Crosshairs Before Firing Back
Hey, Mr. Sensitive, not everybody’s out to get you! If you think someone’s unnecessarily tearing up you or your work, make sure you’re not just freakin’ paranoid. “Before you do something that might label you a troublemaker in the office place, do a reality check with your colleagues,” says Cohen. “But don’t do it in a way that suggests you have a problem with this person. Ask [a colleague] if they have any recommendations about how you can best develop a successful working relationship with your tormentor (but don’t call them that — try “co-worker” instead). You may learn that this is just their working style and not a personal vendetta.”

Mike Hammer is a writer and former editor of Maxim, Stuff and Shock. He has proven time and time again that he can ward off enemies in the cutthroat world of magazines.

Image credit: ilco

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OK. Admit it. You still like to play with toys.

High-tech companies such as Google and Microsoft have encouraged playful creativity by turning their workplaces into virtual playgrounds where employees are encouraged to take play breaks. The legacy of the dot-com boom era includes foosball tables, ping-pong tables, X-box stations where employees can engage in multiplayer gaming via networks, Wii stations, and even roller hockey leagues in the parking lot.

“Many of our most creative ideas come when we are playfully engaged in creating, exploring, experimenting,” says Mitchel Resnick, professor of learning research at the MIT Media Lab. “So it’s important for workplaces to encourage playfulness — that is, encourage people to try new things, test boundaries, take risks and explore new ideas.”

Toys take off
Long before Google became a household name, its founders tapped into their love of toys to create low-cost cases to house the hard disk storage at the heart of its search engines. Sergey Brin and Larry Page built the storage cases out of simple plastic interlocking Legos. Now randomly interspersed Lego stations invite creative play at Google offices. Some employees even banded together to purchase Silly Putty in bulk.

These group play stations and playful attitudes have inspired us to take things further, personalizing our cubicles with greater levels of sophistication. Common Star Wars action figures and basketball hoops are being overshadowed by higher-tech toys, such as stealth helicopters and fighting robots. Web sites such as Engadget, Gizmodo, and Boing Boing report on new gadgets and toy trends. Other sites, like ThinkGeek and Kleargear, have become online sources of these gadgets.

What’s hot in cubicle play
ThinkGeek began in 1999 by selling T-shirts and stickers, and business snowballed from there, says Shane Peterman, director of public relations at the Fairfax, Va., company. ThinkGeek’s most popular item is a Wi-Fi Detector shirt (about $30) with glowing bars that change as the Wi-Fi signal around you fluctuates. Other in-demand items: black stealth helicopters that can be flown around the office (or into other people’s cubicles), Nerf rocket launchers that can fire over six meters (powered through batteries or a computer’s USB port), and a connected basketball hoop (again, through a USB port) that detects baskets and tallies the score.

“It’s all stuff that we’re interested in,” Peterman says. “Some of it is useful, and some things are purely for fun.”

As the technology advances, and the cost of creating these high-tech toys decreases, cool new items are constantly coming on the market, says Rafe Needleman, editor of Webware, who has two helicopters and a Nerf missile launcher in his office. “For around 20 to 60 bucks, you can buy a helicopter that hovers in midair,” he says. “It’s incredibly cool, and good for blowing off steam from time to time. It’s kind of magical, it’s fun. Then in ten minutes, my life goes back to the same misery that it usually is.”

You’ll pay $$$ for the coolest
For some of the most cutting-edge, high-tech toys, you have to pay the price. Robot Brothers’ RoboPhilo (which stands for Programmable Humanoid in Lifelike Operation), is a 13-inch robotic humanoid that lets you program its arm, leg, head and joint movements from your PC. At almost $500, it’s a pricey cubicle toy. The RoboPhilo comes prebuilt or as a kit. Other programmable robot kits are even more expensive, with the Robonova-1 from Hitec costing about $1,000.

Recent advances in animatronics are inspiring the creation of realistic-looking monkey and Elvis heads that can be programmed from a PC. A chimp head from WowWee, at about $150, can be controlled like a puppet, via remote control. Besides carrying high price tags, some consider them a bit creepy. “I wouldn’t want one,” Needleman says.

ThinkGeek sells the ProLaserFX Showcube (about $2,000), a programmable laser projector that can produce light shows. The Optimus Maximus keyboard (about $1,600), with tiny LED screens on each key, can be programmed to show your CPU usage or identify which iTunes song you’re playing.

From your own fun to your co-worker’s annoyance
Entertainment seekers beware: There’s a fine line between fun and annoyance, between good taste and being offensive. “Around our office, we don’t take anything seriously,” Peterman says. “There’s no surprise whatsoever if I’m sitting at my desk, and someone walks by and shoots me with a Nerf gun.” In some places, it could be a problem, he admits. “People need to know what’s OK in their workplace.” At the same time, you should take caution to respect the boundaries of those who are on deadline or who don’t want to engage in play. Any cubicle warfare that could hurt others is, of course, also a no-no. One site sells a launcher that shocks you if you get hit, for example.

And here’s another idea that takes things too far: mobile webcams that spy on co-workers — and possibly violate their privacy. Although workers don’t have many privacy rights in the workplace — employers can monitor email and use surveillance videos – co-workers should refrain from infringing on the rights of each other.

An atmosphere of playfulness
When it comes to good, clean fun, Google seems to set the pace for other companies, says Michael Kwun, senior intellectual property attorney for the Electronic Frontier Foundation, and a former Google attorney. “The founders are big into games and toys, and this playfulness extends in gifts given to employees and partners.” One year Kwun received a lava lamp decorated with a faux Google legal logo, with the inscription, “Thanks for a good year.” “Toys and gadgets are an extension of your personality at work”, Kwun says. “I think there’s something about identifying your cube as yours. Standard corporate furniture is not all that personal. But you arrive, see the culture, and think, ‘Gee, one day I want to have that, too.’”

And toys make work more fun. “Who wants to sit in a cube? Nobody. No one wants to go to meetings that are about meetings,” says Heather Gold, a comedian and Silicon Valley satirist at Subvert. “I feel sorry for people who don’t have toys or don’t have fun. Besides, the mindset of play is absolutely the best way to problem-solve.”

Jodi Mardesich is a former staff writer for Fortune and the San Jose Mercury News. She has written about technology for 20 years and has been published in The New York Times, Slate, Salon, The Advocate, and Yoga Journal.

Image credit: James Whately

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We know all’s fair in love and war, but what’s fair at a job fair? Are certain questions off limits? What should you wear? How do you set yourself apart from the pack?

To get you the answers you need, Men’s Life Today interviewed a trio of experts who make a career out of helping others find careers. These in-the-know people are Eric Winegardner, a vice president at Monster Worldwide, parent company of the Monster Web site; Allison Nawoj, corporate communications manager for the CareerBuilder Web site; and Andrew Cronan, human relations professional and executive director of career services at New York’s Fordham University

Men’s Life Today: Are companies that show up for job fairs really hiring or are they just trawling for resumes?
Cronan: In this economy, no corporation can afford to attend a career fair if it doesn’t have jobs to offer.

MLT: What if the companies coming to the fair are not on my short list of places to work?
Cronan: Don’t rule them out. Even if an employer is outside your current industry, you never know what positions the company may have available or how its representatives can help you.

MLT: What’s the best way to prepare?
Nawoj: Visit the Web sites of participating companies, read their press releases and search local newspapers for information on them. Also scour job boards for openings at the respective companies. Arrive at the fair ready to speak about those specific positions and explain why you believe your skills match the job.

Cronan: Don’t show up asking, “So what jobs do you have?” or worse, “What does your company do?” Also, to ease your nerves and get you in the habit of selling yourself, ask a friend or family member to help you practice your elevator speech — a 30-second pitch that sums up your skills and offerings.

MLT: How long should I spend there?
Winegardner: Plan to stay the entire day and see everyone. Yes, everyone. You never know when a connection you’ve made will lead to a job. And make sure to also speak with the people waiting in line with you.

MLT: What should I wear?
Winegardner: Consider this your first interview. Dress at least one level above what you’d be wearing on the job.

Nawoj: Err on the side of conservative. You only have a few seconds to make a good first impression, so do it right.

MLT: What should I bring?
Nawoj: Make sure you have plenty of updated resumes — and make sure they are proofread and free of errors.

Winegardner: If you are exploring more than one sort of job, be sure to bring resumes tailored to each type of job you’re seeking. Also bring business cards and don’t forget to ask the interviewers for their cards. You don’t necessarily need to bring references; in fact, keeping them aside can provide you with a good excuse to follow up.

MLT: What’s the best way to manage my time?
Winegardner: Begin with the companies you’re least interested in. This will give you the chance to build your confidence and practice. Just don’t wait too long to meet with the companies you really want to target. It will be harder to make a memorable impression on someone at the end of a long day.

MLT: How long should I expect with each recruiter?
Cronan: No more than five minutes, maybe less. Recruiters will decide within the first 45 seconds whether your resume is going into Pile A or Pile B and also whether it’s going to the top or bottom of those piles. Make eye contact, use a firm handshake, speak clearly and have a rehearsed introduction ready to go. End your introduction with a question, which will help you engage the recruiters.

MLT: What if they ask about my salary requirements?
Cronan: It’s a “gotcha” question. In all likelihood, they are trying to see how you handle uncomfortable situations. Stay calm and instead of answering directly, say you’d love to hold off on the compensation discussion until you can meet them for a follow-up. Likewise, you should not bring up salary yourself.

MLT: How should I wrap up the exchange?
Winegardner: Something along the lines of “I’d love to stay connected with you. What’s the best way for me to do that?” If all has gone according to plan, you’ll be well on your way to scheduling your second interview.

Image courtesy office of Senator Evan Bayh

Thomas P. Farley is an etiquette and lifestyle expert who writes on career-related topics for Men’s Life Today. He is also the editor of Modern Manners: The Thinking Person’s Guide to Social Graces.

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1. Expert Q+A: Do I Still Need to Wear a Tie to an Interview?

In today’s job market, making a positive first impression counts more than ever, so dressing appropriately for an interview is always a good way to start.

Although many industries have adopted a more corporate-casual look for their employees, you’re not one of them until you’ve landed the job. So yes, you still need to wear “interview attire.”

What does that mean? Essentially, you need to dress for the specific industry. Banking, accounting, finance and insurance companies still require more traditional types of interview clothes. I recommend a suit, dress shirt and tie.

Creative industries like advertising, media, Web startups and fashion houses may expect a look that is less formal and more cutting-edge. But that doesn’t mean you can show up in shorts and sneakers. You’ll still be expected to look professional — in a suit or blazer-and-slacks combo — though you can likely get away without a tie.

In the end, if you’re not sure what to do, play it safe and make your fashion mark after you’ve accepted the job offer.

Image credit: barunpatro

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“… my prison was just an open cage,

there were no keys, no guards,

just one frightened man and some old shadows for bars.”

–  Bruce Springsteen – Living Proof

I earn a living in sales. I’ve been selling in some form or fashion most all of my life. I was a scrawny kid growing up, 5 foot nothin’ and a hundred pounds in high school. Ears like Dumbo. Literally the smallest kid in school in ninth grade. So I had to learn to sell myself. Humor was my method of choice. In college there was this girl I wanted to go out with. She was one of the prettier girls in school and didn’t hurt for dates. I’d ask her out and she’d say no. So I’d wait a week or two and ask her out again. No. Every time I saw her on campus I’d stop and talk to her. I’d drop by the clothing store where she worked. “Wanna go out sometime?” No. This was somewhere around 1984. They hadn’t yet criminalized stalking. So this went on for months.

One afternoon I had gotten out of class and noticed her car parked outside the BA building. She drove a late ‘70’s Thunderbird. The hood was about three football fields long. It was a warm spring day, and knowing she’d eventually have to return to her vehicle I did what, to me, seemed like the natural thing to do … I stretched out on the hood and began to read a book. To this day I can remember the look on her face when she saw me lying there on the hood of her car. I’d best describe it as a mixture of disgust, amusement and resignation. We went out that night. And so began a relationship that lasted several years. With a sell.

Professionally, I made the move into sales about a year and half ago. I’m a CPA by training, but I’d drifted in and out of accounting over the years. This time I decided to leave for good. With no customers, or even prospects for that matter, I did what any good salesman does: I started knocking on doors and meeting people. In sales, you get a lot of “no’s” and a handful of “yes’s.” Between my love life and the better part of a decade spent as a stockbroker, I’d learned to process rejection quite handily. That’s probably the number one qualification of a good salesman … the ability to take “no” in stride. Success came quickly for me, and within six months I had closed the largest sale in our company’s history.

Our company manufactures point of purchase displays that help consumer goods companies sell their products inside retailer’s stores, primarily Walmart stores. This particular project was highly creative and had an extremely tight deadline. It was, in fact, the first of its kind that we’d done and involved me and our creative director, a quirky Englishman named Andrew, fitting together many pieces of an unfamiliar puzzle. The culture in our company is extremely customer focused at all levels: sales, customer service, design and manufacturing, and folks throughout our organization worked tirelessly during this 3 month period to make the project a success. It was probably the most intense 3 months I’ve personally experienced in 20+ years in the business world. Overall, the project was a success, but as a result of some issues outside our control, some deadlines were missed. In the world of Walmart, deadlines are everything. There are no excuses.

As a result, at the end of the project I was left with a feeling that I hadn’t served the customer well. We had done the next to impossible, but we hadn’t done it flawlessly. My customer was understanding, they knew the magnitude of what we’d accomplished, but there was still a price to be paid with their customer, Walmart, the mini-nation. Over the course of the next year I worked on a couple of smaller projects with the customer, but was hesitant to pursue their business in a meaningful way. Hesitant because I felt like I hadn’t delivered what they’d asked for on our initial project. So I became an order taker instead of a salesman. I became passive.

But then a funny thing happened … they asked me to repeat the program for the upcoming year. After months of fretting, I found out their perception was completely different than mine. The limitations I’d set on penetrating the account were strictly of my own making. They existed solely in my mind and nowhere else.

This one incident taught me a huge lesson in business and in life. Probably a lesson I already knew in my head, but just hadn’t taken to heart. My perception isn’t always reality. I began to see that self-limiting thoughts have floated around in my head and cost me success in pretty much every area of my life for as long as I can remember. I began to see that all too often I’d locked myself in a prison inside my mind, convinced I couldn’t move beyond the bars, the imaginary boundaries I’d laid out for myself. So now I’ve begun to more closely examine my negative thoughts. In business and in life. At home, I’m mindful of helping my children do the same … looking at the basis for why we believe what we believe. It’s been nothing short of amazing to see how quickly “can’ts” become “cans.” Capturing individual thoughts and beliefs and examining their basis has shown me a world of possibilities I never dreamed existed … unlocking the prison gates that I held the key to all along.

Image by: Sascha, Flickr

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Hey guys! Mike Austin (RadioDAD.com) just delivered our latest podcast, episode #5! Including:

- Interview with Michelle Sullivan, Executive Producer for National Geographic Digital Media, on National Geographic Kids new (free!) online game PLUTO’S SECRET!

- Interview with Jim O’Kane, founder of TVDads.com, a growing website about TV’s single dads…

Enjoy! -TFL

DOWNLOAD: PODCAST #5: National Geographic Kids + TV Dads (9.1MB, 11/18/08)

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As the web has grown, and especially as “web 2.0″ has emerged, there are all sorts of cool new tools available to folks to promote their sites, grow stats, drive traffic, etc. Why does this matter to our readers? Because a lot of guys reading The Father Life are involved in the social media and tech sectors; so we figured we’d pass along 2 newer tools that have recently caught our eye: BackType, and Individualurls.

BackType: BackType allows you to track (and show others) all the various places you’ve been posting and commenting on the web. Since comments and conversations around the web can be a powerful way to drive traffic, this is a great tool to show others all the places you’re interacting with others. And as you drive new folks to those conversations and they join in, your traffic sees growth as well. It’s a viral effect, and BackType is a new tool you can use to help push it along. You can read TheFatherLife’s BackType Page here… as well as the “Other Conversations” feed in our right sidebar (yes, BackType generates a feed for your account that you can plug in where you want – very cool!).

Individualurls: Individualurls is a site that allows you to create your own Alltop-like aggregation of all the sites you read. Or, a collection of your various feeds (like Twitter, Blog, Corporate, etc.) that you’d like to give folks access to all in one place. It’s a great way to keep folks plugged in to what you’re plugged into on the web… (and, yes, we’ll have a TheFatherLife.com account set up pretty soon!). Thanks to The Paisano for tipping us off to Individualurls! You can check out The Paisano’s Individualurls here…

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