While changing locations, getting out of town, and role playing are all great ways to change a stale bedroom scene, I think sex toys are really your best bet. Bringing in toys can help the two of you explore, feel new sensations and create a more open sexual communication between the two of you. But how do you go about it and what should you get?

Your partner might be a little apprehensive if you haven’t used sex toys in the bedroom before, but considering that 1 in 2 women are reported to have had or have a sex toy the odds are in your favor. If you think they won’t be put off by the idea, I think you’re better off surprising them. Wine and dine your partner, set the scene and then bring out the new toy. If you think they may not be automatically into it, try bringing it up on neutral ground, i.e. not the bedroom. Research websites like Adam & Eve and find a few toys that you think could be fun for you both to try. Or better yet, take your partner to an adult sex toy store where you can shop together. Picking out the toy together can make it seem less intimidating and bring you closer together.

What should you get?

First time toy buyers might want to stick to something a little smaller and simple, like a vibrating cock ring. These are small enough that you won’t feel like they are truly intruding on your sexual experience,but are powerful enough to change sex for both you and get you off in a whole new way.

You could also try a vibrator, whether it be a finger vibrator, a g-spot vibrator or even the iconic Rabbit vibrator. This will be a great way to show her how beneficial and amazing sex toys can truly be, but it doesn’t just have to be used on her. If you’re adventurous, she can try it on you at at the very least, have her rub it along all of your sensitive parts.

Another idea: go all out and get a sex swing. These babies allow you to swing your way to orgasm, but also make multiple positions easier to achieve and help you come up with a whole lot of new ones.

Finally, if you suffer from ED or are quick to shoot, you can always revive your sex life by getting a strap on. They make hollow ones that allow men to wear them. This can keep you feeling connected with your partner, while giving them the pleasure they want.

This is just a brief list of toys you can experiment with. If you didn’t see anything here that struck your fancy, don’t worry, there’s a lot more out there. Take the time to research what’s available to you and give a few a try. You’re bound to find something that you and your partner can both enjoy.

After the dinner, the following dialogue takes place in each car of the two couples. Reverse the husband or wife, since it makes no difference because this is not a gender-based concept/idea:

Wife (aka DU): Well, that was a nice evening.
Husband (aka BJ) (grumbling): Yeah.
Wife: Did you see how Hank treated Susie?
Husband (not paying attention): Huh?
Wife: He treated her like a goddess! Why can’t you be more like him?
Husband (finally waking up): I’ll be like him when you look at me the way Susie looks at Hank, with love and respect.
Wife (grumbling): Harumpf…

Recognize yourself somewhere in this scenario? My simple question is what would happen if these two couples actually shared the problems and/or arguments they were having with the other couple friends? Might there be a scene like this:

Hank: Hey, it’s great to see you guys! How are you, BJ and DU?
DU: Good to see you, too Hank (as she kisses Susie on the cheek).
Susie: I miss you two. How are things with the kids?
BJ: Well, since you asked we’ve been struggling a bit lately.
Hank: Really, so have we. What’s going on?
DU: Well, I think BJ favors the boys over me and is spoiling them rotten.
Susie: WOW, we just argued about exactly that on the way here!
(Everyone laughs…a bit in discomfort).
Hank: It’s hard in a blended family to choose whom to support when everyone seems to want a piece of me!
DU: I think the spouse should come first. After all, the kids are going to leave…then what?
Susie: I agree with DU (gives a look at Hank).
BJ: C’mon Susie, it’s not easy or simple.
Susie: I suppose you’re right (takes Hank’s hand in a conciliatory gesture).
DU (looking at BJ): I know you try, honey, I just feel left out some of the time.
BJ: I’m sorry darling, but you know how much I Iove you, and the teen years are a bear!

Get it? Wouldn’t both couples feel better? I don’t care what the problem is. If we actually open up and stop pretending all is well and good, everyone will learn and benefit. The hot-button topics for most couples are the kids, money, and sex. I’d add a fourth: time spent together or one spouse working too much. Those two are really one thing as they obviously relate.

Let’s say, as unusual as it may be, that you and your spouse haven’t had sex in a while – imagine that? Wouldn’t you take some comfort knowing that you’re not alone? We all know that many couples go through ups and downs with their intimacy. Maybe a hint or just commiseration with another couple would help? It won’t hurt and THAT is my main point!

If the problem is money, one couple may actually have concrete advice to offer. On any problem with kids, experience is always a great tool and the couple with older kids may have already gone through the problem that the other couple is currently experiencing.

Putting on a happy face has its place. Ironically, I think that the most important time for that – for couples and just for you – is when one is in a foul mood for no particular reason. People do not like being around grumps. So, put on a happy face and when your mood has passed, you’ll be better for it and not have subjected your spouse or anyone around you to that sour puss!

Why do we feel the need to keep our real lives secret from our friends? I heard a saying from Rabbi Joseph Telushkin, who quotes his mother as expressing that, “the only happy people I know are people I don’t know very well.” I love that quote and I think it’s so very true. Most of us would not trade our problems with anyone else’s. To keep going on with the sayings, I remember another where it’s said something to the effect that if people all throw their troubles into a big pile, they’d look them over, and take back their own ones.

That is why there is such value if friends open up to one another and couples do the same. Being a bit sexist, I would assert that women tend to open up more easily to other women than men to each other. But, couples are another thing altogether and I believe we’d all help each other a ton by just expressing the truth of our lives. The good, too since no one wants to go out and spend an evening whining…

Why not try it? Please let me know what happens…

I love my wife. But, when she utters those four words, I cringe. I used to try and defend myself once I was able to decipher exactly what I’d done to elicit those four deadly words. Now, I just grin and bear it, quickly saying, “I’m sorry.”  You might as well just dig the hole deeper the moment you try and defend yourself.  Trust me on this: don’t.

In some cases, it’s my “wacky” sense of humor that will get me in trouble with my wife or, more recently, with a couple of social media “friends.”  My wife would define my “wacky” sense of humor as my “Big mouth!”  And she’s probably right, especially in the worlds of e-mail and even more so in the unique Twitterverse of 140 characters.

The first problem I had was with a Twitter person I follow, who also follows me, whom I’ve never spoke with or even exchanged first names, let alone something as personal as an e-mail.  That’s the peculiar nature of Social Media relationships.  One has the illusion one knows another person when, in fact, most of the time we don’t have a clue about the other person.  The opposite is also true; you can develop closeness with a “virtual” friend that is indeed meaningful.  I gladly have many of those close relationships in the world of Social Media, which have substantially enhanced my writing, speaking, and radio careers.

But, returning to this not-so-close virtual friend, she tweeted about something mundane in her day that had to do with being stressed about a small school matter involving one of her children. I cavalierly responded that if that was the only stress she was experiencing in her life, then she was pretty lucky.

Well, you’d have thought I’d called her a b, c, d, or f word as well as demeaned her maternity, along with her weight, looks, and intelligence!  What I meant, of course, was that if that was the “only” stress in her life, rather than that of a sick child, horrible financial problems, a dying relative, or the like, that she was indeed “lucky.”

She took my less than 140 character characterization as a misogynistic judgment against women!  Nothing could be further from the truth, especially for anyone, man or woman, dad or mom, who reads my columns, follows by “A Dad’s Point-of-View” Facebook page, knows me personally, or knows me from Twitter or Twitter Chats.

However, because this woman has a big following, a big “Klout” score (a measure of influence for a Twitter user), I didn’t want an enemy and therefore was eager to explain my innocent intentions.  Especially, after she threatened to write a blog about what an insensitive slug I was. I enlisted some women friends to explain that I was “a good guy” and didn’t mean any harm.  Others chimed in and a short, but raging debate followed, Twitter-style, in bursts of 140 characters or less.  I apologized.  She accepted, but then slammed me within the acceptance.  I wisely let that go. I think the brouhaha was ultimately overtaken by the Weiner scandal and went away.  Whew.

The other incident involved another Twitter “friend” who hosts a Twitter Chat and my sense of humor, unrelated asides and general “class clown” approach clearly didn’t meet with her rules and regulations.  In that case, no threats were exchanged as we respect each other, but I chose to just remove myself from that chat – hers – and let it run without my unregulated “Big mouth” and otherwise sometimes loose fingers, on the keyboard.

All of which brings us men back to our women, and their feelings.  Maybe our children will understand better how to handle each sex’s different senses of humor in the workplace and at home.  I don’t know, but all these experiences rattle me.  I will monitor more closely what I tweet or e-mail.  Frankly, the inner watching-my-back angel-on-my-shoulder is already censoring my unabridged approaches to both.

With my wife, it’s really a matter of understanding her language, paying more attention, and listening more carefully.  My marriage is more important to me than a Twitter acquaintance that I’ve never met or spoken with, but I still would rather be mindful of hurt feelings that I inadvertently cause anyone, close or not.

I know that if I shared these situations with my boys, they’d both react with “what’s the big deal?” as their generation lives in these worlds while mine straddles them and, at least speaking for myself, is often confused by them.

1. Joe Cocker – “You Are So Beautiful To Me”

Only because everyone always remembers how their first true love looked the first time you laid eyes on them.

2. Roberta Flack & Donny Hathaway – “The Closer I Get To You”

After meeting that special someone words can’t explain those butterflies in the stomach or uncontrollable urges to smile at just the mere thought of them.

3. Minnie Riperton – “Lovin’ You”

Much like this song your growing love for the other person is a wonderful sight to but is just too annoying to bear if heard over and over again.

4. Billy Ocean – “Suddenly”

That “growing “ love you had is now full fledge “jump off the cliff” feelings for this other person, and for some reason you don’t know how it happened this fast.

5. Bryan Adams – “(Everything I Do) I Do It for You”

At this point in the relationship it’s all about that other person and you’d do anything in the world to keep it that way.

6. Norah Jones – “Come Away With Me”

When you feel the way you feel about someone right now it’s all about the quality time you spend with them. You can’t stop the feelings of just wanting to run away and escape reality, and frankly no one else matters except the person you’re in love with.

7. Percy Sledge – “When a Man Loves a Woman”

Missed appointments with friends and colleagues, late assignments, if you’re able to even focus on work at all. These are all by products of the all or nothing love you feel for that special someone.

These next four songs need no explanation at all, at some point you have to express physically that love you emotionally feel.

8. Marvin Gaye – “Let’s Get It On”

9. Boys II Men – “I’ll Make Love To You”

10. John Mayer – “Your Body Is a Wonderland”

11. Barry White – “It’s Ecstasy When You Lay Down Next To Me”

Okay, I said no explanation but you’re not making love if you don’t have at least Marvin Gaye and Barry White somewhere in your playlist. It just makes sense.

12. Celine Dion – “When I Need You”

After showing and expressing this love you now have its still amazing to you how everything has come about. Your in love, you’re happy, and everyone
knows it. It feels good to know that you’ll have someone in your corner whenever you need them.

13. Heatwave – “Always and Forever”

This is exactly how long a love like this should last, no better feeling in the world than this.

14. Sinead O’Conner – “Nothing Compares To You”

Although it’s good to feel that way, sometimes love just doesn’t last no matter what your feelings were to the relationship. If for some chance it doesn’t at least you can rest knowing that feeling of TRUE love can never be paralleled.

Me: So, honey, this is your chance to publicly clear the record, state your case, and have your voice heard (as a guest on my radio show, too), published, and otherwise represented.  Where would you like to start?

Wife: Thank you dear, for the chance to correct all the misconceptions and complete inaccuracies you’ve written and talked about me.

Me: Of course, darling.  Please continue.

Wife: First of all, I am not near as compulsive as you represent me to be.  I am a typical woman who cares about cleanliness, order, and manners in a fashion that every home requires.

Me: But, do you really need the white gloves to check if the counters have been cleaned well enough by our older son (as this is one of his chores)?

Wife: I don’t use white gloves.  It’s easy enough to see the mess he’s left behind with my fingers.  I’ve taught the boys the value of doing regular chores, how to use their utensils, and do other things they’ll need when they leave, like cooking and laundry.  These are things you neglected to teach them.

Me: What is this about their leaving?

Wife: You know exactly what I mean.  After high school, they are going to have to TCB (take care of business) and either go to college or get a job and live on their own.  That is teaching them responsibility and not enabling them any more than you’ve already done.

Me: Don’t you think you’re just slightly exaggerating when you characterize my parenting as “enabling?”

Wife: What do you call doing their homework for them until high school, being that obnoxious sidelines coach you always are, taking videos and photos of everything they do, and lionizing them in every Tweet, blog, and “A Dad’s Point-of-View” column you write?

Me: (sheepishly)  I call that fatherly love.

Wife: No, it’s enabling.  Let’s move on and talk about how hard it’s been for me to join this family.

Me: It’s been hard?

Wife: (frustrated) Bruce, Bruce, Bruce.  Who had to move 50 miles from her life and home in the city?  Who had to become step-mom to two teenage boys?  Who had to commute, after the move, an hour and a half each way to work?  Who has to do most of the cooking, the laundry, and house cleaning?

Me: Hey, I go to CostCo!

Wife: Yeah, to buy beer, tech stuff and boy toys.  I do the heavy shopping.  Okay, I’ll admit you are the SAHD and do the majority of the kid schlepping, but in the winter you’re skiing half the time, leaving me with everything to do.

Me: C’mon, sweetiepie, I don’t ski that much and you know it.

Wife: You call 30-40 days a season not much?

Me: Yeah, I’ve been hoping to get 50 days in!

Wife: (sigh)  Set, point, match.  As usual, you open your mouth and magic comes out, just confirming my assertion.

Me: Well, dearest, you’ve been slightly negative so far.  How about a couple of positive things…(waiting)…one?

Wife: (thinking…thinking…thinking…)…

Me: Didn’t we have a great honeymoon?

Wife: Yes, we did, but a honeymoon does not a marriage make.  I really do love you, Bruce, love your boys, love our dogs (all three of them), love our life, but I’m tired, really tired.

Me: You’ve often said to me, “Happy wife; Happy life.”  What can I do to make you happier and ease some of the burden you’re apparently feeling, and help with this tired feeling?

Wife: I am happy and I really do love you and the boys.  Maybe, please, could you not leave your dirty dishes in the sink? Could you make the bed once in a while.  I know you don’t like all those pillows I like, but would you do it for me, please?  And, while you complain that I leave the lights on “all” the time, maybe relax a bit and stop exaggerating?

Me: (with a smile on my face)  And, I love you too, honey, and our blended life together.  As I often say, quoting Dennis Prager, “Gratitude IS the key to happiness” and I’m grateful every day to have had the good fortune of meeting you and having you in our lives.  But, you do leave the lights on ALL the time.

Wife: (laughs, sighs, and reaches over and gives Bruce a kiss)

I don’t really have specific advice for you.  I am still learning about all of this and I learned that listening and not passing judgment is a good starting point.  The best arsenal is for you to understand that women communicate and act out in friendship very differently than men.   It seems to me that men can be friends with someone if they have only one thing in common, like football for example.  Men can sit with each other, drink beer, watch a game and have a great time. They don’t worry that the man sitting next to them might be into green living while you drive an SUV.   My husband is friends with many fundamental Christians and yet he never prays, attends church or believes in being saved.

Last weekend I came home from hosting a baby shower for a friend.  Us women dressed up in dresses, wore large hats and had frilly umbrellas to raft down the Colorado River.  It was a tea party rafting baby shower.  It was great fun because we all had many things in common.  When I got home my husband announced to me that my four year old daughter and her friend played doctor for hours on end.  The general plot line of their game was something about the baby doll being sick and needing needles in the penis or getting his penis cut off or penises being removed.  However way your female decides to bond with their girl friends make sure you keep an open mind and listening ears.

In the last few months articles in the New York Times has shed light onto the subject of gender differences.  Check out Tug of War Pits Genes of Parents in the Fetus to know how your gene has influenced or not the formation of your daughter.

There was also an article about teaching girls survival skills for GirlWorld: Girls, Uninterrupted.  Maybe there should be a camp entitled Men’s Camp for living with Women.

Sometimes I wonder if talking and recognizing these girl interaction trends fuels the problem.   When I bring up observations of social stratification to the different age girls in my life it seems to start stirring the pot.  I wonder if simply spending time with your daughters doing positive things like scaling mountains, visiting museums, cooking and reading (resources for this kind of activity) might uplift your girls spirit and teach them how great relationships are formed with a positive, caring and loving husband like yourself.

The Neighbor’s Wife tends to believe that physical activity is a key role in making sure that girls and women feel good in their body and develop skills in understanding how to interact with one another. Websites like Backcountry Betties and Babies offer support for women to do outdoor activities with their children.   How about if you impress your FEMALE by telling them about the benefits of biking for women or directing them to blogs that talk about keeping fit while pregnant: Pregnant women Unit?

I know that as a mother of two young girls I am reading up on all different points of view on this subject.  As much as I had a very accepting group of friends growing up, I saw my sister being ostracized and I realize now that a lot of my personality was hidden behind my plain appearance so that I would fit in with my chosen group of girl friends.

Good luck Men!

The Neighbors wife is here to bring a bit of feminine wisdom into your life.

First, let’s cite the statistics.  I don’t have a source, but I know it’s generally understood and accepted that first marriages end somewhere in the 40-50% range, while second marriages end about 66% of the time, and third and subsequent marriages fail around 75% of the time.  These are not encouraging statistics. Thankfully, when I was divorced I didn’t know those discouraging numbers.

So, we now know that the odds are against us.  Why? My first thought and maybe many other people’s first reaction was that we’d learn from our mistakes and “know better” the second time around.  After all, we know what didn’t work, right?

No, the other adage comes to mind that the older we get, the more set in our ways we become.  And, yet another cliché is true that the older we get the more baggage we carry with us.  I am witnessing the opposite with my teen son and his “first love” girlfriend.  While they certainly bicker, the joy of “young love” is palpable (who remembers the original song by Sonny James and the Tab Hunter cover of “Young Love”?)  Frankly, it’s a joy to behold and a reminder for this old guy to pay attention to the romance in my own (second) marriage.

During the years between marriages, we do get used to being single again and, if we have children, doing things just our way.  There is no doubt that happened to my boys and me.  I was guilty of neglecting certain “mom” things such as anything to do with cleanliness, bathing, and general body and room maintenance.  Yes, I’m exaggerating in my opinion, but my wife would likely say I’m under-stating the case.

She, on the other hand, had been single for about a decade after her first marriage and had created the ideal single life, with the perfect neat, organized, very adult home, which she thoroughly redesigned and remodeled to her exact specs.  Everything in its place; everything just the way it “should” be!  Clairvoyance is not required to predict what happened, but I’ll get to that later.

And, of course, age settles us into habits, longer relationships (with friends and family), and more ups and downs.  All this experience can’t help but inform who we are as we progress on the journey of life.  Also, our emotional guards and walls are stronger having more than likely had more experiences and disappointments than younger, innocent, newlyweds and children.  Yes, the rigors of living harden us sometimes.

My wife and I experienced considerable adjustments when she became a member of our family.  The Oscar and Felix syndrome was evident immediately. Oscar and Felix, for those that don’t remember, were the magnificent characters in Neil Simon’s “The Odd Couple.”  Oscar was a poker-playing, complete slob while Felix was a neatnik, to put it nicely.  I’d say he was overly anal-compulsive.  Do you wonder which one I resemble?

So, my Oscar and my wife’s Felix clashed mightily over order and chaos in the house–struggling much of the time.  My wife, however, had the odds stacked against her, as she was the “odd man out,” so to speak, because the boys and I had become comfortable in our Oscar ways of living.  This became our first big issue as a couple.  I didn’t want to change, nor did my boys.  But, with time, we did because I began to recognize what an important contribution my wife was bringing to us and I was tired of getting berated (just kidding).

She was a blessing for the three boys as I’m counting myself as one of “the boys,” in this respect.  But, if not for her strength and character, even this one thing could have broken us apart.

And, in our case, she was a first-time step-mom at a point in her life where that was the last thing she expected to be happening.  This created an internal struggle for her that added to our challenges in the early months of our union.

So, is it any wonder, just using my own family as an example, that second and subsequent marriages might be difficult?  I don’t think so.  I also think too many men and women jump into another relationship or marriage without really considering the consequences to all involved.  We’re human beings and we don’t like to be alone, for the majority of us.

Based on my own life, my simple advice is to take the time to really understand all the consequences of a new relationship with all its apparent “blessings.”  I don’t want any of us to be adding to those high-risk statistics.

What followed was a spirited discussion about friends–same sex friends, friends as couples, and opposite sex friends, when you’re married (or monogamously involved).  The conclusion was that it is not simple.

As we were on a trip hosted by Dennis Prager (radio talk-show host, writer, and lecturer), I found myself immediately paraphrasing him because he’s often discussed this issue.  He said that for two couples to be friends, a number of relationships have to be in place.  Each man must like the other man; each woman must like the other woman, and the same for the opposite gender in each couple.  If any one of those relationships doesn’t work, the friendship of the two couples is in jeopardy.

We began despairing over the difficulties of finding good couple friends.  One of the couples that had been married for 47 years related that their friendships with other couples changed over time. When one of them didn’t truly like one of the other people in a couple, that friendship was ultimately doomed or, at best, marginalized.

Several of us were in second marriages, and we all had the same surprising experience of what happened to our friends from our first marriages.  Everyone at the table had suffered the same thing–that most of their friends vanished as a result of their divorces.  Only those same sex friends that existed prior to the marriages were likely to remain friends.  My wife and I had exactly this experience and over the years that we were single again, we each built up a new group of friends.

Now remarried, the challenge has become to integrate those friends into our new married life and we’ve found somewhat difficult. My wife’s friends were mostly single women without children while my friends were mostly men in marriages with children.

We’re again facing the struggle of finding and nurturing new relationships.  And, like most things in life, one gets what one put out. Since my wife and I have found ourselves increasingly busy, we’ve not put in much effort to nurture new friendships.  We’ve met each other’s friends and some have made their way into our lives, but many have not.  As Dennis says, he’s got to like the other husband, she’s got to like the other wife, and so on, meaning you have to have eight relationships to work for two couples to get along. Not that simple, is it — think about it.

Also, as my wife didn’t have children before becoming a stepparent to my children, her friends more often than not also didn’t have children.  That is a defining difference with couples.  No, it’s not wise to only talk about your children, but it’s inevitable that you will, to some degree.

My best friend and his wife make their primary friendships with other parents when his three children were young.  For this friend and his wife, these friendships sprang from relationships developed at their synagogue and their children’s schools.  With my children now older, the connection to their schools is practically nil, and my wife and I don’t share the same faith so our religious affiliations are also different. Consequently, those avenues are not available to us.

Ironically, there is a couple that we’ve started to become friends with via the same sort of connection that my best friend had when his kids were younger.  My older son has a girlfriend and for “young love” it seems to be a very enduring and a good relationship.  Her parents live nearby; we both are concerned about issues that they may have (e.g. intimacy at this age) so we share similar interests plus, of course, we’re geographically compatible.  They are likely candidate to fulfill our couples’ friendship vacuum.

We also have the added hurdle of a second marriage and the previously mentioned loss of friends that occurred to both of us during our respective divorces.  Ironically, I began this column quoting a discussion that took place on a trip hosted by Dennis Prager.  The friends we made on that trip were perfect for us because we shared similar values and interests.  The frustration was that only one of those couples lives nearby.  The other two couples we befriended live out-of-state.

We finally got together with that one local couple after several failed attempts due to mutual scheduling conflicts.  I hope that friendship develops.  But, it’s very clear to me that developing new friends in our “middle aged” second marriage status is a challenge.  And, we also acknowledge that we haven’t put enough of an effort into it yet.  I’m counting on my wife to take care of this, and she’s counting on me.  Checkmate.

It makes total sense given the changing values and trends in our society and the increasing number of women attending college, now outnumbering men significantly.  But, the social impact of these changes might be troubling.  As part of the generation that is both responsible for and feeling these transformations the most, I have mixed feelings about this brave new world.

Further conclusions from this report were that “A larger share of men in 2007, compared with their 1970 counterparts, are married to women whose education and income exceed their own…A larger share of women are married to men with less education and income.”  What does all this mean for our children who are growing up in this changing environment?  I’m not sure and I can only make some generalities from my own perspective.

First, I believe that gender roles are often getting mixed up.  When I grew up, boys were boys and girls were girls and we each knew what was expected of us, more or less.  As equality has sometimes become the mantra of our times, knowing our respective roles in work, home, and life in general is confusing to say the least.  Is this good?  I’m not sure.

The report goes on to say, “From an economic perspective, these trends have contributed to a gender role reversal in the gains from marriage.  In the past, when relatively few wives worked, marriage enhanced the economic status of women more than that of men. In recent decades, however, the economic gains associated with marriage have been greater for men than for women.”

Is this why we have so many single parent households (the majority being single moms, though I don’t have the statistics at hand to support this assertion)?  Is it because women don’t need men to support them or, for that matter, to even procreate anymore?  Again, I ask if is this good for men and women, for society as a whole, and most of all, for our children?

I know whenever I touch on gender-related issues I tend to be playing with fire, since I often make generalities in doing so.  Generalities are a fact of life.  But, they can and often get people upset when they know of exceptions to them. Of course, there will be exceptions to most generalities, but they’re “generalities” because they apply to the “general” majority.  It is a generality to say that most men are taller than most women.  Is that sexist, true, or just a generality?  You know the answer.

Another fact reported in the Pew report, which is surprising on the surface but also makes total sense, relates to how these gender reversals have been impacted by our current economic malaise.  They declare that “it [the economic downturn] has hurt employment of men more than that of women.  Males accounted for about 75% of the 2008 decline in employment among prime-working-age individuals (U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, 2009).  Women are moving toward a new milestone in which they constitute half of all the employed.  Women’s earning grew 44% from 1970 to 2007, compared with 6% growth for men.”  They go on to state the fact that this “sharper growth has enabled women to narrow, but not close the earnings gap with men.”

Do you wonder how this has affected the institution of marriage? The report goes on to declare that these trends have affected the institution of marriage itself.  It says, “Americans are more likely than in the past to cohabit, divorce, marry late or not marry at all.  There has been a marked decline in the share of Americans who are currently married. Among U.S.-born 30- to 44-year-olds, 60% were married in 2007, compared with 84% in 1970.”

Do you still think generalities are inappropriate to use?  And, what conclusions might we reach from these trends and gender role changes?  I will state that I think it has created a lot of confusion for boys and men while empowering too many women to make selfish choices that exclude men from their lives and/or the lives of the children that they may choose to have on their own.

Of course, I believe in equal pay for equal work.  Of course, I also believe that true sexual harassment is wrong.  And, of course, I believe that many of these gains in women’s rights and opportunities are for the best.  Yet, I also believe that we’re in the middle of suffering a downside to these apparent positive gains, which we won’t realize or recognize until several generations have passed.  Since we are in the epicenter of these societal changes, it is unlikely we can be objective enough to see exactly what good or bad we’ve wrought.  Time will tell.

How’s your summer going?  My wife and I were laying in bed last night and she reminded me only a few more weeks are left until the kids start school back up.

That got me thinking…

Now would be a good time for us dads to consider how much time we’ve spent with our children this summer, and how important it is to them that we do.

How much personal time have you given to each of your children since they’ve been on summer break?

Has it been minimal, or have you intentionally put your work and personal interests on hold so that you can be in your child’s world?

Have you spent time reading together? Talking together? Gone on walks, hikes, bike rides? Taken a family vacation together? Gone swimming together? Taken your daughter out on dates? Gone fishing, canoeing, or a myriad of other fun outdoor activities with your son?

The list of ways to spend one-on-one time with our children is only limited by our creativity — and level of intentionality.

I read this quote recently… “The thing our children need most is often in the shortest supply — our time.”

They don’t care or need the “stuff” that a good paying job with long hours can provide. Children of all ages spell love T-I-M-E.  And time with dad is unrivaled in their mind.

Now before you begin this mental review of your summer schedule, watch the short video we’ve below. It has a powerful ending, so be sure and watch it to the very end.

Then take some time THIS WEEK to determine how you can give each one of your children, AND your wife, more of your time.

Image credit: Ben Martin