THE FATHER LIFE

“Jingle Bells, Daddy smells.
Daddy poops on rocks!”
My three-year-old comedian thinks this joke is hilarious. I usually roll my eyes and remind my son that his take on the Christmas classic isn’t funny. My critique doesn’t seem to matter. I’m treated to about a dozen zingers about pee-pee, poop, and toots every day.
Don’t get me wrong. [...]

Parker Alan Ludwig was born at 1:45 a.m. on Dec.19, making me an uncle – again. Both mom and baby are doing fine, as is my beaming brother.
After visiting the baby at the hospital, The Wife and I attended a cocktail party and learned a close friend and his bride are expecting. All this baby [...]

Call me Dr. Smooch. That’s because I’m a big believer in the time-honored tradition of kissing boo-boos.
I’ve seen my two toddlers involved in some disastrous falls and high-speed collisions. After the sobbing subsides, they’re usually content to walk away with a peck on the knee, head, or whatever bruised body part. If the accident is [...]

Sticks, guns, swords – boys and their toys, it’s all very Freudian.
My three-year-old son doesn’t have a toy gun, nor does he have a plastic sword. That hasn’t stopped Bubba from turning every jagged stick he finds into Lightsaber or imagining his dinosaur figurines are handguns.
I’ve tried to deflect this behavior for months. However, I [...]

The word “furlough” snuck into our vernacular recently.
It’s commonly used to describe an unpaid day off of work. These pro bono vacations have become mandates in both the public and private sectors as a way to balance budgets during a recession. The Wife took one of her “furlough days” last week.
It could be worse. She [...]

Bubba celebrated his third birthday last week with a party in our backyard. I imagined setting up lawn chairs, lighting the grill, and relaxing as 20 toddlers splashed in the kiddie pool and shoveled in the sandbox.
Turns out I grossly underestimated the amount of work required for a backyard birthday party. Looking back, it would [...]

I had a curious craving for chicken wings last Sunday and a trip to Hooters satisfied both my hunger and my curiosity.
Had I just been hungry for hot wings, I could have gone to Buffalo Wild Wings or even the grocery store. But, I was equally parts famished and interested in the family-friendly policies of [...]

“Do you want some I-C-E-C-R-E-A-M?”
This is a line of dialogue pulled directly from a recent dinner table conversation. Outside ears might have thought The Wife and I were training for a spelling bee or a Scrabble tournament.
Actually, we were masking our dessert options. The mere mention of the word “ice cream” sends my two sons [...]

Most of my childhood haircuts were free. My mom’s sister is a cosmetologist. Aunt Jeannie provided complementary haircuts until I was in college.

By then, it was cheaper to have my hair cut on campus than drive to Aunt Jeannie’s salon. Still, I’d sometimes wait until spring break or Christmas vacation to get a trim, showing [...]

The closest I’ve ever come to potty-training is housebreaking a dog. I figured the same general rules apply: reward good behavior and recognize bad behavior without being too critical.
With this as my blueprint, I kicked off Operation Big-Boy Underpants last month. My 2 ½-year-old son showed all the signs of being ready to ditch diapers. [...]